Meeting

In my 35 years of working experience I have come to recognize a phenomenon I call The Meeting Culture. Interestingly enough it crosses through the borders of the various regions in which I have been employed, across industries and even informal groups.  It became more salient in the later part of my career in the hospitality industry because I was engaged in trouble shooting challenged operations.  As I refocused my life on ministry and spiritual growth I was somewhat surprised to find the same culture at play within the fellowship of ministry, but then people are people no matter where we are.  Interestingly enough the heart of the culture has its genesis in both settings.

The early church, particularly the early Jewish church experienced a new phenomenon.  The practice of Judaism had long been tolerated by the Romans.  Zealots and radicals were put down but synagogues and temple worship were given a pass by the Latin conquerors.  However this new practice, these followers of Jesus were not content with their own kind and taught intolerance of other religions. Jesus was not just a god among gods, he was the God and the only one worthy of worship by all, not just the Jewish people.  Pack that up with the rumors spread by opponents and Christianity became anathema to 1st century rulers.  Gathering became dangerous.  It came to the point that the writer of Hebrews had to encourage and even mandate that the early believers meet together for fellowship and encouragement in the faith (Hebrews 1:25).  However there is a danger.  One that Paul clearly recognized when he wrote to the Corinthians and condemned their time together as not focused on their faith, “…because you come together not for the better but for the worse.”  He extends this warning in a positive sense when in Ephesians 4 he states:  “And he gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ;”  Ephesians 4:11-12  When the meetings stop resulting in “the work of service to the building up of the body of Christ.” – and this is not your local church body – then it ceases to serve or follow the Gospel.

This is what I found as I started engaging businesses in crisis.  The deeper the crisis, the more meetings they had scheduled.  They would have manager meetings, department meetings, position meetings, strategy meetings, every kind of meeting that you can imagine.  They would plan these meetings, record these meetings and unfortunately never adequately execute anything that came out of these meetings.  In most cases the company had fully executable procedures and policies already in place.  So that raises the question, “What is the purpose, what is the drive for all those meetings?”  It became pretty obvious that even in distressed operations people need to feel successful.  This is what they find in their endless meetings…success.  They are able to have the most successful meetings.  They come out of the meetings feeling like they have made real progress.  They feel like they are fulfilling their purpose and calling.  The focus of success ceases to be the execution of purpose but becomes the discussion and planning of purpose.  However life and business are hard.  So when push comes to shove it is easier to have another meeting than to actually hold oneself accountable for the execution necessary for success.  This was fortunate for me as it kept me employed for a couple of decades.

So how does all this apply to our faith.  Let me be clear the gathering of the Saints is mandated by Scripture and empowered by the Holy Spirit.  The problem is when the meetings instead of focusing our faith become the focus of our faith.  When the center of our faith life is in a building instead of in our hearts; that building becomes a cage for the Gospel instead of a launching pad.  The impetus for this is the same as the meeting focused businesses that I have engaged.  We believe that we can find success in our meetings (services, gathering, experiences….).  We can be holy, inspired and powerful inside those four walls.  We are rarely challenged and often supported inside those four walls (unless we find ourselves challenging the culture inside those four walls!).  We are safe in the practice of our faith inside those four walls.  After the conversion of Emperor Constantine in 312 AD Christianity transitioned from a fringe group of Jesus fanatics to the primary religion of Europe.  It was during this period that a corollary to the Meeting Culture developed.  It is the idea that there are special “professional” children of God who really should carry the weight of the Gospel ( re-read Ephesians 4:11-12).  They get to lead the meetings where we can be so successful.  The newest class of these professional Christians is the worship leader.  Again worship is wonderful, but if the top of one’s life in Christ exists only in the midst of well engineered worship sets, we go back to the problem of the meeting culture in business.  The Gospel is contained, not executed.  The personal satisfaction and alleviation of personal responsibility that this culture provided made it grow.  It was easy to move from a fellowship of equals celebrating and sharing the gospel of redemption both together and in their communities to being a culture of meetings and rituals performed by “professional” Christians and from there to the place where the meeting itself became not only a celebration of salvation but the mode of salvation.

There was a time in my life when I measured the health of my faith by the number of meetings I attended.  This week I went to two church services, Wednesday night prayer, a small group, served at youth group and did the Friday morning prayer card session.  I am rocking for the Lord.  Now none of those things is bad.  Not event the collection is bad.  The fact that I used my attendance as a Spiritual scorecard is bad.  Honestly at that time in my life my immersion in the church was probably necessary to my spiritual formation but God had to rip the scorecard out of my hand.  I am particularly stubborn so my grip on that card was pretty tight.  It took pretty intense situations in my life to move me from a meeting scorecard to a biblical scorecard.  Now I know that you are ready for me to lay out all the check boxes on that biblical scorecard.  Sorry, no such luck.  It does  not work that way.  There are two metrics for the scorecard, the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.

Jesus tells the disciples in Luke 12 that when they are brought to judgement for their faith, “The Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”  Paul uses the Holy Spirit as a scorecard for his words to the Romans in chapter 9, “I am telling the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience testifies with me in the Holy Spirit,…” and in chapter 14 he sets the Holy Spirit as the scorecard for the very kingdom of God, “for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”  

David says in Psalm 119:11, “Your Word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You.” and Jesus uses His Word as the metric for a Hupomone life built on the rock in Matthew 7 as compared to the foolish life of the man who did not act on his Word and built his house on the sand.  This is what we do when we center our lives in the house instead of on the foundation.

Build your faith on the Rock.  Fellowship together with purpose (the Gospel) not as a purpose and you will see the hand of God move in and around you like never before.

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37

 

The Value of Blood

Marrow

…knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life…,but with precious blood,as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.  1 Peter 1:18-19

Ask any blood cancer or disorder survivor about the value of blood and you may get a more intense answer than you were expecting.  As a rule we don’t think about blood much unless it starts coming out (and then we are kind of disgusted) or when it fails us.  God established the value of blood from the beginning when he created the universe.  It has been interwoven into the fabric of his covenant with mankind over the millennia, taking shape in the Law and being fulfilled in the person of His son Jesus Christ.

God tells Cain that Abel’s blood is crying out from the ground. (Genesis 4:10).  Reuben sees the judgment for Joseph’s blood (he didn’t know what had happened to him in Egypt) when Joseph tests the brothers. (Genesis 42:22)  Blood on the door posts signaled the angel of death to pass by the homes of the Jews and. (Exodus 12)  Blood figures prominently in the sacrificial worship instituted by the Law of Moses, including being dabbed onto the ear lobes, thumbs and big toes of the priests.  The shedding of blood is God’s reason for not allowing David to build His temple. (1 Chronicles 19:10)  Solomon writes in Psalm 72:

He will have compassion on the poor and needy, And the lives of the needy he will save.  He will rescue their life from oppression and violence, And their blood will be precious in His sight;

The prophets decry the spilling of innocent blood over and over. Ezekiel describes its cleansing properties.  They set the stage for the compelling atonement to come in the person of the Messiah,

Jesus would proclaim “For My flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink.” establishing a new standard of life for mankind, redeemed life, shortly before He is sacrificed on a hill outside of Jerusalem.  This fulfills the enormous body of blood theology that God through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit inspired many different men to write, establishing the great value of the tainted blood of creation. They gave just a taste of the value of the blood of the perfect Lamb, without spot or blemish;  all God …all Man…all love…come to be the savior of humanity.  He provides us a pathway to renewed relationship with our creator.  It is the relationship that we were created for prompting the author of Hebrews to say:

“how will we escape if we neglect so great a salvation…” Hebrews 2:3

This is the value of blood, that God values the blood of every human being and desires that the atoning blood of his Son will restore the relationship so long broken.  This is so great a salvation and so great a power in the blood of the lamb how can we who know not proclaim it to a lost world.

“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness…”

High Places

“A higher plane than I have found;
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”

“Higher, Higher”

“Higher and Higher”

 

Everyone wants to get to higher ground in their Christian experience.  Unfortunately too few want to do the work that takes us there.  The Bible is our comprehensive guide to Hupomone living and when one adopts the Hupomone lifestyle the practice of the Gospel of Jesus Christ prepares us and carries us to the high places that we want to go.  So here are three principles for getting to higher ground.

 Carry the right equipment.

My son Robert is in the picture.  My brother-in-law, born and bred in Colorado, is an avid hiker of 14’ers.  These are mountains where the summit is above 14,000 feet.  This picture is taken at just such a summit. He made sure that Robert had all of the equipment that he needed to reach the summit with as little discomfort as possible.  Without the right equipment the journey is painful and difficult and there are many who opt not to complete and settle for lower areas.  Layered clothing protects you from the elements.  Higher Ground can throw all kinds of damage at you.  Wind can rip at your skin and steal the water from your body.  The sun can burn and blind in the thin atmosphere of the heights requiring quality sunglasses to keep the path visible.  The right shoes are essential as the steep inclines and uneven surfaces tear at your feet and legs.  Consider Ephesians 6, a much quoted passage about the armor of God.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore *, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15 and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Paul uses a military metaphor to make the same point.  If you want to get to higher ground you need to have the right equipment.  The higher that you want to go, the better the equipment you need.

Train for the journey

My son made several trips to Colorado.  Along with ensuring that Robert had the equipment that he needed to make the trip, his uncle built and tested his stamina through smaller local hikes.  God provides us multiple options for training and has given us the Holy Spirit to navigate our spiritual formation.  His Word the Bible is of course the basis for all maturing.

16 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Just as his uncle guided him in preparing to seek high ground, God provides each of us with spiritual leaders in our lives who will help us train for the heights that are ahead of us.

11 And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, 12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. 14 As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together * by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.  Ephesians 4:11-16

Take the Journey with others

Robert did not hike any of summits by himself.  He went with his uncle and cousins.  He went with family whom he trusted and who were more mature in dealing with the mountain than he was.  There are stories of men who foolishly tested mountains alone or in groups unprepared.  They typically do not end well.  The circle of trust that you enter with brothers and sisters in Christ cannot be a mutual admiration society.  It must be one that recognizes the weaknesses of its members and steps in bring the fellowship to the summit.

2 Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2

The Holy Spirit is of course the penultimate member of any Christian fellowship journeying to higher ground.

26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; Romans 8:26

The Spirit steps in when our humanity fails us.

God did not design His people to operate alone.  While Robert is pictured alone, he is with a group, one that he both admires and trusts.  While the journey is one of fellowship, the joy of the summit is even more the fruit of godly community.

By all means reach for the summit.  Seek the higher ground that God has for you.  The air is thin making it difficult to breathe, the cold wind will chap and chill even while the sun burns.  Your legs will feel like wooden posts and your eyes will struggle to pick out the path but higher ground is your purpose.  It will draw others to you and fulfill the Gospel.  Just remember to bring the right equipment, train under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the men and women of faith that God places in your life and take the journey with others.  Now this doesn’t mean that you won’t make it to the summit without doing these things, but the joy will be lost in the struggle and the summit may just feel a little hollow as you struggle to catch your breath.

The Lord is my Strength and he has made my feet like hind’s feet and makes me walk on my high places.  Habakkuk 3:19

 

Hupomone: Being Home

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, LORD Almighty, my King and my God. Psalm 84:3

maphome

Turn right onto 140.  Take a slight right onto Highland continue through the S Curve onto North Vine St.  Turn left onto Reservoir Rd. and then make a right onto Violet Circle…

Going home really doesn’t seem such a big deal to most of us.  Simple directions like those above bring us….home.  Well at least they bring us to a place where we have a roof over our heads.

“Honey when you are home, you are not really home.”  Allana’s words stung.  Of course I was home.  I knew my address and could navigate my way.  The reality of this statement was both so much more subtle and reached so deeply into who I was that it would not be until years later that I would see the truth in it. This particular disability strikes deeply separating us from the Hupomone God who loves us just as it separates us from those around us who would do the same.  We cannot remain under or about a place that we have never really been.  As I look back I can see God calling to me so many times “Beloved, when you are home, you are not really home”.

Walking through the motions of “getting home” does not cut it.  There is an undeniably spiritual aspect of HOME. More importantly it takes a spiritual intentionality to enter into a HOME relationship with anyone, but especially one with God.

Then the Lord said,
“Because this people draw near with their words
And honor Me with their lip service,
But they remove their hearts far from Me,
And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote,  Isaiah 29:13

Israel knew the way HOME.  If you asked them, they would tell you they were HOME.  They followed the traditions, they followed the law, they sacrificed, celebrated; they did all these things and believed it meant HOME.  They were wrong and there would be consequences just as there are for all of us.

Therefore behold, I will once again deal marvelously with this people, wondrously marvelous;
And the wisdom of their wise men will perish,
And the discernment of their discerning men will be concealed.”  Isaiah 29:14

I wish I could say that today I am an expert at being home, that it comes naturally.  The truth is old habits die hard and the technology of the 21st century makes easier than ever to not be wherever you are.  Being home requires an ongoing commitment to God, to my family and to all the people God brings into my life.

Jodi King of Love and the Outcome has perhaps more opportunity than any of us to miss being home.  The life of a musician on the road and in the studio, constantly having to be new and fresh for the fans could certainly leave one with little time to be home.  She recently started video blogging on Mondays and this is one that touched my heart and gave me the ending for this blog (that I initially wrote over 6 months ago, so thank you Jodi!)

 


 

The Divine Moment

Clock

When I was younger I thought a lot about moments and what an important part they played in the very existence of creation.  I even created my own definition for God based on them.  I proposed that God was the being who was able to experience every moment in its completeness and that He did this in the moment or in the present.  Stated another way God’s present encompasses all of creation in all of time in His moment and He alone is able to full perceive that present.

Imagine that.  Just for giggles take the moment that you are in right now.  Experience as much of it in a discernible way as you can.  Human beings are extremely limited in what they are able to perceive (observe with knowledge).  These limitations are based partly in the narrow ranges of our senses (physical) and partly in the limitations of our ability to process the information that our senses deliver(mental).  Another real limitation is that our mind likes to play tricks on us and will interpolate expected results into the perceptual results of our senses.  Trained observers can enhance the percentage of any given moment that they perceive. Some people have an innate ability to process and retain the information conveyed by their senses to a much higher degree, and yet even these extremely talented individuals only perceive a small percentage of each moment that immediately surrounds them, never mind The Moment that encompasses all creation.  I am not sure that in many ways my definition of God was that far off.

However the conclusion that I drew about the purpose of humanity was far afield.  I suggested that given that we are God’s creation…in His image (there, wasn’t that nice of me to drop a little Bible into it) …our purpose was to experience every moment to its fullest extent possible and that the common good was for all men to help all experience their moment to its fullest.  In that way we would be operating in the Image of God.  The fatal flaw in that line of thinking is that we are called to take on “the mind of Christ” not try to be God.  This is the very flaw that Satan introduced in the Garden of Eden. “‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God…'”  Genesis 3:5.  When we try to be God instead of taking on his heart and mind the result is a blurred image of who He is.  Our inability to perceive as only he can coupled with the foibles of our human condition condemn even the most perceptive and skilled among us to failure.  We fill our lack with judgement and legalism transferring our failure onto those around us.  Only in the constant attack can the mirage hold, grace becomes uncomfortable and truth is out of focus.

This is not to say that developing our abilities of perception is an ungodly task.  In fact the Bible speaks again and again of men whose perceptive abilities were enhanced by the power of the Holy Spirit.  As followers of Christ we become trained observers, growing our ability to perceive the moment, by developing our relationship with God.  When we do that we will not only be empowered by the Holy Spirit in our perception, we will naturally grow our own abilities as well.  I have heard a theology of intentional incompetence preached in a variety of venues.  It suggests that we sit back and ignore our natural abilities so the Holy Spirit can step in and work.  This is absolutely not in Scripture.  With Paul I say, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed accurately handling the word of truth…”  2 Timothy 2:15.  We are called to make our best effort in conjunction with the Holy Spirit and empowered by our relationship with God.  The Holy Spirit often came upon Moses as he directed the journeys of Israel through the wilderness, but it  listening to the wisdom of his father-in-law that set up a workable system of governance among the people.

We need to be diligent but still rest on a God who exists in The Moment.  How comforting it is to know that He sees it all!  How joyful to know that Eternity is our inheritance and that he calls us to His mind and heart, not to His ability.

“in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.”   Romans 8:26

“For such is God, Our God forever and ever; He will guide us until death.                         Psalm 48:14

 

Five Years

June 18th

Another great piece by my wife and ministry partner Allana.

5 years. It’s a big deal. It’s a little surreal being here in this moment. Isn’t it funny how when you are walking through the thick mud of life that it can feel like it’s inching along, but then it seems as though you blink and you are standing on the mountain top and you just marvel at how far you’ve come.

I knew from the moment that I was diagnosed with leukemia that the road would be a difficult one to travel on. But I wasn’t the least bit ready for HOW difficult and to be very honest, how lonely this road would be.

FightThe fight inside yourself between who you used to be, who you want to be, and who you are is extremely tiring. This is real. I’m going to be totally transparent.

I’m thankful for every single person in my life who reached out to me during that time. The love and support, from so so so so many helped me through! I will be forever grateful. Even to those who never spoke to me and yet still prayed for me and my family. Each one of you made the way a little easier.

A few have continued to be an active part of my life through these years of cancer and transplant recovery. You know who you are. Thank you so much for supporting me, loving me, praying for me and endlessly cheering me on. Thank you for caring enough about the old me to press through to love the new me…. even when it took me SO long to accept and grow to love the new me too.

Thank you for seeing me as strong and courageous, even though those who are closest to me saw my very strong and very real battle against sever anxiety. You didn’t judge me. You just loved me where I was, yet continually giving me messages of God’s truth. For this I am grateful because it has helped me heal from my fear.

Thank you for understanding that it has been a very slow process for me to even want to leave my house. After being away from my home for 100 days while in Cleveland, and that doesn’t even count all the hospital visits before that and a couple afterward, as well as the monthly trips to Cleveland over the past 4 years…. when I was home, I just wanted to be home and not go anywhere. This is for sure a new me. I know for some, especially for Samantha, this was extremely difficult to get used to. We were always busy doing something and going somewhere and it was weird to have mom just want to sit on the couch and snuggle with her family.

Yes, some of these changes haven’t been awesome like I’ve been in an inward fight that has left me more exhausted than I’ve ever been in my life. There has been more times than not that we get to church, I find my seat, I sit through greeting time, once service is over, I basically run to grab Nisa from the kids’ area and out to the car, barely looking anyone in the eye. I am sorry if you have been offended by this. It isn’t personal…. I’ve been tired, I’ve been dealing with things inside, I’ve just needed my space. Thank you for those who have loved me through this very strange time in my life.
I know it’s also been difficult to deal with my chemo brain – man, it is a real thing and something I’ve struggled with so much. Forgetting everything. Like really scary bad forgetting.

But, some of my changes haven’t been all bad. In fact some very good changes have come through my cancer fight and recovery.

I am more bold. I find I say what I think. Though this has been a learning curb to try to keep my sweetness while sharing something tough with someone. I’m less afraid to give my opinion. I have more confidence. I’m even more closer to God because HE has been the only ONE who has been able to walk with me through every single moment. Every single frustrated hissy fit while trying to desperately find the old me and hating the new me. He has stayed with me speaking truth to my heart when I was feeling unlovely. I’m so thankful for a personal God who loves me even when I’m being difficult and that He still finds me precious. There are no words to describe my gratitude of God’s love. He continues to rescue me and save me and this is why I cry so much through worship. He’s such a loving God.

For Sam and I this has been a very strange and difficult journey. Yet, one we both feel so blessed to have gone through it. It’s been… well… interesting…. trying to figure out our roles with each other – where does husband and wife fit in with caregiver and patient?! We both have had to go through some freak out moments and time to heal from the whole experience. Cancer changes people. Not just the patient but everyone in the family. It’s been frustrating and scary and yet exciting and wonderful to take our commitment to each other and fall in love with who we both are today. Our marriage is held together with so much Holy Ghost Duct Tape – there’s not much that could break us apart now 😍

Yep. This sure has been a journey. A painful yet joyous roller coaster journey. 5 years. There’s so much more to share…. I’ve been pretty quiet over the last couple years….. I have a feeling, that may change. 😉 I think I’m ready to start speaking again.

Results vs Relationship

BMT Departure

This is Allana’s Facebook post from five years ago on June 5th as we prepared to head out to Cleveland Clinic for her Bone Marrow Transplant.

Today is the day Samuel and I will pull away from the house, hand in hand, but with so many questions not answered. Our kids will wave to us goodbye, but with so many things unanswered. I will not go into this thing cocky and say it will go this way or that.
But this is what I am sure of –
God completely adores me.
God is walking with me.
God is my healer, my complete healing may be here or in heaven, but either way, He heals.
God will help me during the lonely times, the times I miss my kids.
God will give strength to my husband.
God will help my family here in Toledo.
God is going to be very God. I’m not sure what THAT will look like but I know He will show HIS glory in this.
This journey has taught me a lot and is teaching me still.
I will give God praise forever.

And now 5 years later…..

5 years ago today was THE very hardest day of my life.

Samuel’s brother, Paul, came all the way from Boston to drive Sam and I 112 miles away from home. I got in the car, smiled through the tears and waved goodbye to my 5 kids and my mom and we drove to Cleveland for my Bone Marrow Transplant.

I knew the risks. I knew there was a chance that this could be the last moment my kids saw me alive. Once we drove out of sight of the house, Paul put on some worship music and even though none of us said much, I know my mind was in a state of constant prayer. I hated leaving my children. Even baby Nisa had to stay at home this time. It would be too dangerous for us both for her to be there with us. I would be in Cleveland for 100 days.

After some time driving, Paul and Sam went to get coffee. This song came on and it touched my heart so much.

Are you standing in the midst of a crossroad? Do you know which way you are going but you have no idea what to expect there? Have you had to say goodbye to someone you love? Is your heart filled with deep pain you aren’t sure how you are ever going to get out? Are you in a fight for your life? For your heart? For your soul?

I want to encourage you to listen to this slow song that declares truth. It’s funny that the guys were gone through this entire song. I listened with tears streaming down as my heart once again stood back up and walked forward with courage to do what I needed to do.

5 years later, I can tell you… the battle was difficult. Being away from my kids for so long was torture. Living day by day not sure if my family would see me again was scary. BUT GOD. But God was there in every moment. God helped me and gave strength to walk to my 9 sessions of full body radiation. God gave me courage to go through the hardest chemo treatment yet. God helped me hold on to the hope in HIM while the docs destroyed my bone marrow to give room for my new marrow. God helped me when I ended up with an infection that circled quickly through my blood and they weren’t sure I was going to make it. God gave strength to my husband to endure watching his precious wife get a hair away from death.

But what if…. what if I had died? Would God be less faithful? No. God would still be faithful. I would be dancing on streets of gold while HE took care of my family. I’m glad our story is different. I’m thankful that my family didn’t need to endure THAT type of trust and faith in God….

I do want to take a moment and ask you to say a prayer for the mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, husbands and wives, who have had to say goodbye to someone, especially those who have died from cancer or from a complication from a cancer fight. Another cancer warrior, Amy Beth, that I met in Cleveland had a similar story to mine, only she was pregnant while diagnosed, passed on from this life to another leaving her husband and young son. She went through her transplant just fine but the complications afterward took her life. My thoughts are with Amy Beth’s family and so many of my friends on here have had to say goodbye to a family member or close friend to cancer.

I would love it, if you would place in the comments the name of someone you love who has won the battle of cancer in heaven so that today I can pray for their family and friends. Also put a name down of yourself or someone you love who is currently fighting against cancer or if you/they are in the midst of the 5 year recovery. I would like to pray for you/them also.

God does hold everything in His hand. It doesn’t always turn out the way we want, but HE is Always Faithful! HE is always there to help us. I believe it.