The Divine Moment

Clock

When I was younger I thought a lot about moments and what an important part they played in the very existence of creation.  I even created my own definition for God based on them.  I proposed that God was the being who was able to experience every moment in its completeness and that He did this in the moment or in the present.  Stated another way God’s present encompasses all of creation in all of time in His moment and He alone is able to full perceive that present.

Imagine that.  Just for giggles take the moment that you are in right now.  Experience as much of it in a discernible way as you can.  Human beings are extremely limited in what they are able to perceive (observe with knowledge).  These limitations are based partly in the narrow ranges of our senses (physical) and partly in the limitations of our ability to process the information that our senses deliver(mental).  Another real limitation is that our mind likes to play tricks on us and will interpolate expected results into the perceptual results of our senses.  Trained observers can enhance the percentage of any given moment that they perceive. Some people have an innate ability to process and retain the information conveyed by their senses to a much higher degree, and yet even these extremely talented individuals only perceive a small percentage of each moment that immediately surrounds them, never mind The Moment that encompasses all creation.  I am not sure that in many ways my definition of God was that far off.

However the conclusion that I drew about the purpose of humanity was far afield.  I suggested that given that we are God’s creation…in His image (there, wasn’t that nice of me to drop a little Bible into it) …our purpose was to experience every moment to its fullest extent possible and that the common good was for all men to help all experience their moment to its fullest.  In that way we would be operating in the Image of God.  The fatal flaw in that line of thinking is that we are called to take on “the mind of Christ” not try to be God.  This is the very flaw that Satan introduced in the Garden of Eden. “‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God…'”  Genesis 3:5.  When we try to be God instead of taking on his heart and mind the result is a blurred image of who He is.  Our inability to perceive as only he can coupled with the foibles of our human condition condemn even the most perceptive and skilled among us to failure.  We fill our lack with judgement and legalism transferring our failure onto those around us.  Only in the constant attack can the mirage hold, grace becomes uncomfortable and truth is out of focus.

This is not to say that developing our abilities of perception is an ungodly task.  In fact the Bible speaks again and again of men whose perceptive abilities were enhanced by the power of the Holy Spirit.  As followers of Christ we become trained observers, growing our ability to perceive the moment, by developing our relationship with God.  When we do that we will not only be empowered by the Holy Spirit in our perception, we will naturally grow our own abilities as well.  I have heard a theology of intentional incompetence preached in a variety of venues.  It suggests that we sit back and ignore our natural abilities so the Holy Spirit can step in and work.  This is absolutely not in Scripture.  With Paul I say, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed accurately handling the word of truth…”  2 Timothy 2:15.  We are called to make our best effort in conjunction with the Holy Spirit and empowered by our relationship with God.  The Holy Spirit often came upon Moses as he directed the journeys of Israel through the wilderness, but it  listening to the wisdom of his father-in-law that set up a workable system of governance among the people.

We need to be diligent but still rest on a God who exists in The Moment.  How comforting it is to know that He sees it all!  How joyful to know that Eternity is our inheritance and that he calls us to His mind and heart, not to His ability.

“in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.”   Romans 8:26

“For such is God, Our God forever and ever; He will guide us until death.                         Psalm 48:14

 

Five Years

June 18th

Another great piece by my wife and ministry partner Allana.

5 years. It’s a big deal. It’s a little surreal being here in this moment. Isn’t it funny how when you are walking through the thick mud of life that it can feel like it’s inching along, but then it seems as though you blink and you are standing on the mountain top and you just marvel at how far you’ve come.

I knew from the moment that I was diagnosed with leukemia that the road would be a difficult one to travel on. But I wasn’t the least bit ready for HOW difficult and to be very honest, how lonely this road would be.

FightThe fight inside yourself between who you used to be, who you want to be, and who you are is extremely tiring. This is real. I’m going to be totally transparent.

I’m thankful for every single person in my life who reached out to me during that time. The love and support, from so so so so many helped me through! I will be forever grateful. Even to those who never spoke to me and yet still prayed for me and my family. Each one of you made the way a little easier.

A few have continued to be an active part of my life through these years of cancer and transplant recovery. You know who you are. Thank you so much for supporting me, loving me, praying for me and endlessly cheering me on. Thank you for caring enough about the old me to press through to love the new me…. even when it took me SO long to accept and grow to love the new me too.

Thank you for seeing me as strong and courageous, even though those who are closest to me saw my very strong and very real battle against sever anxiety. You didn’t judge me. You just loved me where I was, yet continually giving me messages of God’s truth. For this I am grateful because it has helped me heal from my fear.

Thank you for understanding that it has been a very slow process for me to even want to leave my house. After being away from my home for 100 days while in Cleveland, and that doesn’t even count all the hospital visits before that and a couple afterward, as well as the monthly trips to Cleveland over the past 4 years…. when I was home, I just wanted to be home and not go anywhere. This is for sure a new me. I know for some, especially for Samantha, this was extremely difficult to get used to. We were always busy doing something and going somewhere and it was weird to have mom just want to sit on the couch and snuggle with her family.

Yes, some of these changes haven’t been awesome like I’ve been in an inward fight that has left me more exhausted than I’ve ever been in my life. There has been more times than not that we get to church, I find my seat, I sit through greeting time, once service is over, I basically run to grab Nisa from the kids’ area and out to the car, barely looking anyone in the eye. I am sorry if you have been offended by this. It isn’t personal…. I’ve been tired, I’ve been dealing with things inside, I’ve just needed my space. Thank you for those who have loved me through this very strange time in my life.
I know it’s also been difficult to deal with my chemo brain – man, it is a real thing and something I’ve struggled with so much. Forgetting everything. Like really scary bad forgetting.

But, some of my changes haven’t been all bad. In fact some very good changes have come through my cancer fight and recovery.

I am more bold. I find I say what I think. Though this has been a learning curb to try to keep my sweetness while sharing something tough with someone. I’m less afraid to give my opinion. I have more confidence. I’m even more closer to God because HE has been the only ONE who has been able to walk with me through every single moment. Every single frustrated hissy fit while trying to desperately find the old me and hating the new me. He has stayed with me speaking truth to my heart when I was feeling unlovely. I’m so thankful for a personal God who loves me even when I’m being difficult and that He still finds me precious. There are no words to describe my gratitude of God’s love. He continues to rescue me and save me and this is why I cry so much through worship. He’s such a loving God.

For Sam and I this has been a very strange and difficult journey. Yet, one we both feel so blessed to have gone through it. It’s been… well… interesting…. trying to figure out our roles with each other – where does husband and wife fit in with caregiver and patient?! We both have had to go through some freak out moments and time to heal from the whole experience. Cancer changes people. Not just the patient but everyone in the family. It’s been frustrating and scary and yet exciting and wonderful to take our commitment to each other and fall in love with who we both are today. Our marriage is held together with so much Holy Ghost Duct Tape – there’s not much that could break us apart now 😍

Yep. This sure has been a journey. A painful yet joyous roller coaster journey. 5 years. There’s so much more to share…. I’ve been pretty quiet over the last couple years….. I have a feeling, that may change. 😉 I think I’m ready to start speaking again.

Results vs Relationship

BMT Departure

This is Allana’s Facebook post from five years ago on June 5th as we prepared to head out to Cleveland Clinic for her Bone Marrow Transplant.

Today is the day Samuel and I will pull away from the house, hand in hand, but with so many questions not answered. Our kids will wave to us goodbye, but with so many things unanswered. I will not go into this thing cocky and say it will go this way or that.
But this is what I am sure of –
God completely adores me.
God is walking with me.
God is my healer, my complete healing may be here or in heaven, but either way, He heals.
God will help me during the lonely times, the times I miss my kids.
God will give strength to my husband.
God will help my family here in Toledo.
God is going to be very God. I’m not sure what THAT will look like but I know He will show HIS glory in this.
This journey has taught me a lot and is teaching me still.
I will give God praise forever.

And now 5 years later…..

5 years ago today was THE very hardest day of my life.

Samuel’s brother, Paul, came all the way from Boston to drive Sam and I 112 miles away from home. I got in the car, smiled through the tears and waved goodbye to my 5 kids and my mom and we drove to Cleveland for my Bone Marrow Transplant.

I knew the risks. I knew there was a chance that this could be the last moment my kids saw me alive. Once we drove out of sight of the house, Paul put on some worship music and even though none of us said much, I know my mind was in a state of constant prayer. I hated leaving my children. Even baby Nisa had to stay at home this time. It would be too dangerous for us both for her to be there with us. I would be in Cleveland for 100 days.

After some time driving, Paul and Sam went to get coffee. This song came on and it touched my heart so much.

Are you standing in the midst of a crossroad? Do you know which way you are going but you have no idea what to expect there? Have you had to say goodbye to someone you love? Is your heart filled with deep pain you aren’t sure how you are ever going to get out? Are you in a fight for your life? For your heart? For your soul?

I want to encourage you to listen to this slow song that declares truth. It’s funny that the guys were gone through this entire song. I listened with tears streaming down as my heart once again stood back up and walked forward with courage to do what I needed to do.

5 years later, I can tell you… the battle was difficult. Being away from my kids for so long was torture. Living day by day not sure if my family would see me again was scary. BUT GOD. But God was there in every moment. God helped me and gave strength to walk to my 9 sessions of full body radiation. God gave me courage to go through the hardest chemo treatment yet. God helped me hold on to the hope in HIM while the docs destroyed my bone marrow to give room for my new marrow. God helped me when I ended up with an infection that circled quickly through my blood and they weren’t sure I was going to make it. God gave strength to my husband to endure watching his precious wife get a hair away from death.

But what if…. what if I had died? Would God be less faithful? No. God would still be faithful. I would be dancing on streets of gold while HE took care of my family. I’m glad our story is different. I’m thankful that my family didn’t need to endure THAT type of trust and faith in God….

I do want to take a moment and ask you to say a prayer for the mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, husbands and wives, who have had to say goodbye to someone, especially those who have died from cancer or from a complication from a cancer fight. Another cancer warrior, Amy Beth, that I met in Cleveland had a similar story to mine, only she was pregnant while diagnosed, passed on from this life to another leaving her husband and young son. She went through her transplant just fine but the complications afterward took her life. My thoughts are with Amy Beth’s family and so many of my friends on here have had to say goodbye to a family member or close friend to cancer.

I would love it, if you would place in the comments the name of someone you love who has won the battle of cancer in heaven so that today I can pray for their family and friends. Also put a name down of yourself or someone you love who is currently fighting against cancer or if you/they are in the midst of the 5 year recovery. I would like to pray for you/them also.

God does hold everything in His hand. It doesn’t always turn out the way we want, but HE is Always Faithful! HE is always there to help us. I believe it.

Silence

When did noise become a prime value for the Church?  Certainly as human beings our capacity to create noise and maintain it has grown exponentially in the last century.  We invest in state of the art sound and video systems.  We carefully choreograph our worship services to ensure that there is not a moment of silence.  We are encouraged to soak in worship music during our “quiet” times.  I recently saw a social media post in which the author was lamenting the lack of passion that he/she perceived in the worship of others.  The comments made it pretty clear that the overall measure of passionate worship was the noise and activity of the worshipers.  I would imagine that they would find an hour of silent worship before God unbearable. (For my pastor friends perhaps this is a challenge, hold a worship service of silence before God and let me know how it works out.)  Now don’t get me wrong, making a joyful noise to the Lord certainly has its place in our spiritual repertoire, I just think that worshiping in silence does too.

Peter Scazzaro quotes Dallas Willard in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

Silence is frightening because it strips us as nothing else does, throwing us upon the stark realities of our life.  It reminds us of death, which will cut us off from this world and leave only us and God.

Silence strips us of the insulation between God and ourselves and between ourselves and ourselves.  This is a daunting place to be.  It is a place of revelation.  Ask Elijah.

After the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing. 1 Kings 19:12

The Hebrew word translated “gentle blowing” here is daq.  It evokes the picture of a think layer of fine dust.  In Exodus it is used to describe the coating of manna found in the morning.  Scazzaro asserts that this can be correctly translated as silence.  My knowledge of Hebrew idioms is not sufficient to fully agree.  However I am sure you can find some dust at home (if not we have plenty).  Go find some dust and focus on it.  Hear the sound it makes and spend some time listening to God.

 

 

 

Here is another in the series of Blog Posts started and never finished.  This one was begun on my birthday in 2014.  The same day that I penned (typed?) An Introduction to Hupomone. I did not know that we were about to weather another unexpected storm of circumstance in our lives.  Honestly we did not do a great job of hupomone living as we walked through the situation, but God is faithful and we grew (and are still growing) by the power of His Spirit.  Thank you for joining me for another piece of my Hupomone journey.

“Remember those who led you, who spoke  the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Do not be carried away by varied and strange teachings “

Hebrews 13:7-9

 

Perseverance is not a trait of the human condition.  While mankind toys with the concept and we are able to point to individuals who in limited circumstances demonstrate a form of perseverance, they do not rise to the standard of Biblical perseverance.  It is for this reason that true perseverance only comes as a direct gift of God.  This gift rises from His very nature.  Our title verse today expresses that nature, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

Being as we are forever changing, it is hard for us to conceive of an unchanging God.  We do in fact attribute change to Him as often as we can.  We seize on biblical narrative that “demonstrate” how God has changed the way that he deals with men, losing the thread of the redemptive plan set before the creation of the world.  It is perhaps the only way that finite creations can conceive of an infinite creator without child-like faith.  We unwittingly demonstrate Jesus’ assertion.

And He called a child to Himself and set him before * them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless * you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 18:3-4

God proclaimed his divine perseverance when He declared to Moses,

“Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’ ” 15 God, furthermore, said to Moses, “Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’ This is My name forever, and this is My memorial-name to all generations.  Exodus 3:14-15

The Eternal I am announcing His perseverance to all generations.  The Westminster Shorter Catechism puts it this way:

God is a Spirit, infinite, eternal and unchangeable in His being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness and truth.

While not Scripture, I love the simplicity of its treatment of the divine, perhaps the child-like way it approaches the question of his nature.  Yet still for all its simplicity, the nature of God is incredibly complex in its interaction with the human condition.  It is this complexity that smells of change to the inquiring (but limited) mind.  The complexity of the infinite as it intertwines with the finite takes on the appearance of instability,  even chaos when observed from the finite perspective. However there is in fact a singularity of purpose and intent in every nuance of the relationship.  This purpose is wrapped up in another concept that struggle with.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

It is this eternal purpose that removes the onus of circumstance from our lives when we accept the Hupomone aspect of God’s nature with childlike faith.  It frees us from the whirlwind of circumstances and allows us to see the straight line of God’s intent within the chaos of finite existence.

because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:2

The Holy Spirit has freed us from the law of sin and death, the law of circumstance. Hupomone living is choosing to operate in the eternal through the power of the Holy Spirit, pursuing our ongoing transformation into the image of Jesus Christ.

This is a social media post from my brother.  I am not going to go into all the history and details of why I hold him in high regard as a Hupomone Man.

I have, to some degree, learned the tension of walking through the valley of the shadow of death while still expecting blessing. I can navigate suffering (relatively speaking) but expect blessing. So when I knew I was flying to Shanghai I decided to be specific in my request to God. I bought a coach seat but wanted an upgrade. Not only did I want an upgrade, I wanted to be upgraded to the upper deck of the 747 aircraft in seat 77. When I checked my flight just before our Sunday gathering at The Bridge Metrowest, I saw I had been upgraded to seat 77. See, in the grand scheme of things it’s a small thing. In light of recent events it’s insignificant. But it means something to me that the Father cares about the little things that seem big to His kids in the moment. That’s what Dads do. He’s a good good Father.

Walking in the miraculous should be a way of life for the Hupomone man.  It is a lifestyle that extends from our faith.  (For a look at Walking in the Miraculous click here ).

As my brother says we have a good, good Father; one who gives his children good gifts (Luke 11:13).  The mistake that we make too often is linking the gifts from our Father to the circumstances of our lives and our own expectations.  When we become a new creation we are freed from circumstances and our only expectation is “that all things work together for good…” (Romans 8:38).

Our freedom and expectation of  God’s good makes the miraculous details of God’s love all the more amazing because whether you get upgraded to seat 77 or your flight is canceled and you are stuck in the airport for 36 hours the goodness of our Father remains, along with the expectation of the miraculous.  This reality does not diminish the joy of the above story, in fact it enhances it because the joy is guaranteed.  We just need to walk it out.  This is not the giddy joy of circumstance, it is the hupomone joy.  It is the joy that remains regardless of circumstance but brings those oh yeah moments when he opens up the gates of heaven to bless in demonstrative fashion to strengthen the hupomone faith of creatures born of circumstance.

This is a second post started on October 30, 2013.  It was a time of processing the trial that God had already brought us through and preparing for what was ahead.  i have no direct memory of what brought me to Psalm 118 but remember well the joining of Blessing, Sacrifice and Thanks in my heart and soul.

Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the LORD; We have blessed you from the house of the LORD. The LORD is God, and He has given us light; Bind the festival sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar. You are my God, and I give thanks to You; You are my God, I extol You. Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.  Psalm 118:26-29

As I was reading today I found this passage of Scripture interesting in its fusion of concepts:  Blessing, Sacrifice and Thanks.  We are always excited about blessing.  We see ourselves as coming from our Lord God and appreciate the blessings that come from Him as well as those that come by way of His people.  Likewise we are often prepared to lavish our thanks on Him in prayer and song.  However when it comes to the centerpiece of this Scripture we tend to balk a little, or a lot.  In a culture of individual value the concept of personal sacrifice in service of our God has been watered down almost to the point of non-existence.

How we hesitate (or refuse) to bind the festival sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar.  This act was in preparation for sacrifice.  It may be that the picture that David is painting is of a temple court crowded with animals to be sacrificed.  Binding them to the horns of the altar committed them to God as they waited to be placed on the altar.  The Hebrew word for cords here is indicative of a celebratory garland as opposed to utilitarian rope.  Sacrifice is in celebration of the blessing and the thankfulness that arise from our faith in a good and loving Father.  How often we bind our sacrifices to the altar with the dingy and weak cords of reluctance.

“Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”  2 Corinthians 9:7

We need to wrap our sacrifice in the garland of joy and love.

“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of Worship.”  Romans 12:1

Jesus has led us to the path of real sacrifice.  It is absolute.  It is sacrifice of being.

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking  the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross. Philippians 2:6-8

Once we come to this place sacrifice becomes culture because we recognize that it is all His to begin with and that the true nature of sacrifice is abundance freed from circumstance.

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38

I do not believe that this is talking about a quid pro quo relationship with God.  He is not a God of “this for that”.  We do not sacrifice for reward, this would be meaningless, and probably not qualify as sacrifice at all.  Instead we demonstrate our capacity to receive blessing by embracing the sacrificial example of Jesus Christ.