Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.
1 John 4:7-12
Someone that I have come to know a little and respect a lot recently said this to me. “You don’t know how to be well loved.” As I absorbed this statement its truth resounded, echoing in my heart and mind. Some time has passed since this discussion and the Holy Spirit has brought this statement to me again and again. That gently nagging voice in my heart that tells me it is time to “grow up in every way into Him” (Ephesians 4:15) a little more.
Our Christian world is full of songs, sermons and teaching that God loves us and that we should love others. However many of us miss the corollary that should be implicit and perhaps explicit in the consideration of God’s love. Not only must we learn and be transformed into creatures that love well. We must also learn and be transformed into creatures that are well-loved. One might think that this is easy and requires no effort but the reality is that this may be even more difficult than loving others. It requires a tremendous amount of vulnerability. In fact it requires complete vulnerability to God. Absolute surrender is integral to the competency of being well-loved. It is amazing how tightly we will hold on to compartments of our life, locking them away from God’s loving and merciful view. Given this propensity to wall God out it ceases to be amazing that we keep His people, those called to love us as He does, at arm’s length. We deal in platitudes. We segregate our lives. Love me in the sanctuary, pray for me there, lay hands on me, pat my back and say “love ya brother”, but don’t reach into my life; into my real need.
Satan whispers in our ear that being well-loved is just being needy, being weak. He whispers that we don’t deserve it anyways, that we must strive harder, do more, be better before we can open ourselves up to being well-loved. Some of us just have absolutely no idea what being well-loved means. As I considered this topic I felt drawn to two biblical characters, Peter and John. Peter loved well, he loved with passion, with energy, with action. Peter believed in his love for Jesus more than he believed in Jesus’ (hence God’s) love for him. Don’t get me wrong, Peter’s passionate love for Jesus is a great example to us all and even though it landed Peter in hot water more than once it also energized him to Spiritual insight and action when others were frozen in fear or indecision.
It always puzzled me that John referred to himself as the disciple whom Jesus loved. It seems a little egotistical as a major theme in the Gospel. What is the message? Did Jesus play favorites? Does God love some of us more than others? I think that this lesson of learning to be well-loved is a framework that we can set over this idiosyncrasy of John’s Gospel and draw a real Spiritual lesson. John understood what it meant to be well-loved first by God and by his brother’s and sisters in Christ. “In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us”. “Beloved since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another”. I find it no coincidence that the disciple “whom Jesus loved”, the disciple who understood and practiced being well-loved was at the foot of the Cross with Mary the Mother of Jesus, while the other disciples were cowering in fear. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.” 1 John 4:18
Teleios, the Greek word translated “perfect” here actually has the connotation of complete, mature or full-grown. The person who understands Teleios love understands how to be well-loved, first by God and then by brothers and sisters in Christ. It is out of this understanding that loving well grows into it fullness and the circle of Teleios love is complete. I am here to tell you that the Spiritual discipline (and I believe it is exactly that) of being well-loved is not easy. The chasms of pride and entitlement drop off on each side of this narrow path. It is only through the transforming, maturing power of the Holy Spirit (often working through the words and deeds of God’s people) that we can walk the trail of being well-loved.
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