Posts Tagged ‘Allana Guidry’

Into the New

Posted in Life and Ministry, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2022| 1 Comment »

It has been a year of new things already! In January I started an MBA program at Bowling Green State University. In addition to that I became potentially the oldest pledge ever in the Delta Sigma Pi professional fraternity. I have greatly enjoyed and been enriched personally by both endeavors. My oldest daughters Samantha and Chayla began working for Code Ninjas, a programming school for children opened by a family friend. Chayla who graduates in May from Ohio Virtual Academy has been accepted to Ohio State! We are very excited for her. My son Robert and his wife Jenny moved from Clarkstown Tennessee to South Carolina just outside of Charlotte North Carolina to be closer to his seminary… I started this post in May of 2021. It never got posted. I can hardly believe that it has been almost an entire year since the last time I posted here. It has been quite the year. I guess that I should run down the items mentioned in the 2021 draft. I am set to graduate with my MBA in December. I have really enjoyed my time with Delta Sigma Pi. It has been an interesting ride as the fraternity navigated Covid along with the issues that normally come up for large groups of college students. I have been impressed by the dedication and skills of these young adults and had some fun along the way. Unfortunately the nature of my obligations at 59 years old has not allowed me to participate as fully as I would have liked but I am forever grateful for the grace that my fraternal brothers have shown me. Samantha has moved solidly into a customer service role, working at Biggby’s Coffee and Lickety Split for the year. Chayla just returned home after a very successful and eventful year at Ohio State ( Go Buckeyes! Now there is something I never thought I would say…apologies to my Nittany Lions). Robert and Jenny have actually landed here in Toledo having moved here to help her family after an accident injured her mother. However the big change coming up is that after 8 years (the longest in one city ever for me) Allana and I along with Samantha, Chayla and Nisa will be moving to a family property in Pennsylvania about an hour and a half east of Pittsburgh. Our time in Toledo has been amazing and we have been blessed to be able to serve God along side a long list of wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ in a variety of venues and projects. We are looking forward to the adventures that God has for us as we join Community Christian Church in Boswell Pennsylvania and get to work alongside Pastor Charles Kelly. God has been so good as we move towards this transition. Please pray for his continued grace as we follow his leading.

Blessings,

Sam

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The Hupomone Principle

Posted in Bible Study, Leukemia, Life and Ministry, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Available Now on Amazon

Today is an anniversary of sorts. We signed the lease on the home that we now live in six years ago. That might not seem super unusual but let me share the story.

We spent the majority of 2013 in the hospital going through Allana’s treatment for Leukemia (chemotherapy) and then a bone marrow transplant. We were separated from our 5 children, from our ministry and basically from our lives, first at Flower Hospital in Sylvania Ohio and then at The Cleveland Clinic. A more detailed account of this is available in other blog posts and “The Nineteen Days” chapter of The Hupomone Principle. Though she was cancer free, Allana remained fairly ill, really for almost two years, as she recovered not only from the impact of the Leukemia but also from the harsh treatment protocols. We began to get our lives back together and move the ministry (which my Mother-in-Law had unselfishly maintained while we were gone) forward again. Then in April of 2014 the executive directors called us for a meeting and let us know that the decision had been made to close the ministry which included our home. They graciously allowed us to stay in the ministry house until November. So, the search began. We initially looked at purchasing the ministry house but that was not feasible. Then we looked at other properties in and around our neighborhood hoping to continue the ministry on our own, but the doors did not open.

We were blessed by the outpouring of support that had begun with Allana’s diagnosis and continued through this time, but we still could not find anything that suited the needs of our family and our finances. It was during this time that I found employment at Cherry Street Mission Ministries.

Then one day Allana was perusing Craigs List ads for rental homes. She found one and showed it to me. It was all the way on the other side of town. I did not understand why she was even looking at it but I have learned when she has these moments to listen to her listening to the Holy Spirit. This is a key to Hupomone living. I called the number and a very nice lady said she would be happy to show us the home and could do it right then.

When we arrived she gave us the tour. It was not really a good fit for us, but as we spoke, I let her know that I was employed at Cherry Street and a little of our story to explain our current finances. To our surprise she said, “Then you must know my daughter…”. I did indeed, she worked in the office next to mine. As we continued looking at the property the owner stopped and said, ” This isn’t the home for you but I know what is.” She took us to different property and we immediately knew this was it.

We were incredibly blessed as the landlord made the rent work for us and just asked that we purchase the home as soon as we were able as her intent was not to rent this property but to flip it. I told her we would and on November 6th of 2014 we signed our lease to buy agreement with a five year term which was my best guess at how long it would take. However, God had different plans and we purchased the house 18 months later.

Disruption, patience, trust, listening, believing, pursuing, receiving, these are attributes of the Hupomone Principle. This is not to say that there was not a lot of grief, fear, concern and doubt along the way (hence my initial reaction to a property on the other side of town) but God is so faithful even in the midst our instability. There were many moments in this story when I could not see or even conceive of the outcome, but that is ok because God loves me anyways! Just like he loves you where-ever you are at.

If you are interested in an easy to read and concise look at The Hupomone Principle, it is available in paperback and on Kindle.

HERE.

It doesn’t always feel like Hupomone, sometimes it just feels like life….

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Social Distancing Revisited

Posted in Leukemia, Life and Ministry, tagged , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2020| Leave a Comment »

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We didn’t call it “Social Distancing”.  It wasn’t a darling phrase for the media, social or otherwise.  However the reality is that this “new” phenomenon is not so new.  It is rooted in another idea that is not so new “Social Anxiety”.  I have watched this bad boy literally destroy lives.  People who refused to leave the safety of home for years, or even the safety of a single room.  I am guessing that some with Social Anxiety are feeling quite justified right now.  The truth is that the only difference between Social Distancing and Social Anxiety are a few grains of truth.  Both are practiced in different intensities by different people for different reasons. They both separate us from the fellowship that is a hallmark of our faith.

Allana and I battled with those grains of truth, along with battling Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.  Social Distancing is not new to us.  In fact in the big scheme of things our current situation is easy going.  Rewind to 2013, Allana is undergoing chemotherapy, innocuously called Hyper CVAD…except for maybe the Hyper part. The grains of truth are rooted in the fact that this protocol all but destroys a person’s immune system.  This was followed by a Bone Marrow Transplant.  Radiation and even more devastating Chemotherapy did in fact destroy Allana’s immune system so it could be replaced.  Social Distancing became a way of life almost literally overnight.  January 3rd we are in the hospital for Allana’s fever and abdominal pain.  January 4th we are in a special ward with its own ventilation system and limited access.  The cancer had already started the damage that the Chemotherapy would finish.  Suddenly, someone, anyone could quite unintentionally kill Allana with a single bacteria or a misplaced virus.  Our introduction to Social Distancing had begun.  It would separate us from our church, ministry, friends and most difficult, our children and family.  A single blessing was our newborn Nisa.  She was only 19 days old when Allana was diagnosed.  I made two decisions. First, I would not be separated from Allana throughout this experience and Second, Nisa would be with her mother for as long as she possibly could.

Allana had little choice but to practice Social Distancing.  The cancer and chemo left her tired and in pain much of the time.  Carefully orchestrated moments with her children and carefully vetted friends and family were in some cases more than she could handle.  Even as I walked the hallways of the hospital, purchasing coffee or food or just walking with the baby while Allana slept, I was acutely aware of the threat that all those around me posed.  Laying in bed at night I would inventory how I felt…was my throat sore…was that a cough…was I getting sick?  Would I have to leave her?  Compulsive hand washing, masks and minimal movement became the routine.  I used hand sanitizer in and out of the room (conveniently placed on the wall just outside the door).

Things became more serious when she did contract an infection.  The uncontrollable fever and then the incoherent imaginings were the warning bells that signaled that something was wrong.  At one point through the night I thought we were going to lose her.  Being in the Blood Cancer ward of the Cleveland Clinic has its advantages and they were able to stabilize her. Fortunately other than the stories I tell, Allana has little memory of this episode and what she does remember consists mainly of the hallucinations and dreams that she experienced.  Social Distancing became social isolation.

As Allana recovered and the new Bone Marrow took hold, we began the long process of finding the new normal.  The new normal still included the fact that someone could quite unintentionally end Allana’s life.  Shortly after being released from the Clinic but  needing to remain in Cleveland, we tried to reestablish a norm, Sunday morning Church.  We picked a campus of a large AG church in Cleveland not far from where we were staying.  The pastor would be glad to know that his people were incredibly welcoming.  Unfortunately it was terribly terrifying.  I was unable to establish a perimeter (six feet or otherwise) around Allana.  One especially well meaning woman rushed up and gave her a big hug.  Social Distancing became Social Anxiety just that quickly.  While there were grains of truth in our Social Distancing there was a fundamental change in us.  That is the Social Anxiety part.  It honestly forever changed who we are and how we operate.  Fortunately God is good and there has been much recovery.  This recovery was a matter of years not days or weeks. It followed Allana’s physical recovery to some degree but the discomfort and avoidance of social situations have not evaporated as quickly as the grains of truth have faded in meaning.

All this is to say that Covid-19 and the introduction of a culture of Social Distancing has forever changed all of us.  The normal  expectations of health and safety are assaulted by every news article and political speech.  When the rules subside, the fear will still be there…especially for those who became desperately ill or had a loved one become desperately ill.  There are grains of truth in the distancing and in the fear.  However as those grains fade in importance we will as a people and most particularly as the people of God need to recognize the change, the impact on who we are and follow the Holy Spirit’s leading out of the wilderness.  We can be the pillar of fire and smoke that will lead others out of their wilderness.  It will be a time for the Church to step up and truly be the body of Christ led by the Holy Spirit and full of Healing.

“but for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings; and you will go forth and skip about like calves from the stall.”     Malachi 4:2

 

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The Day Facebook was Silent

Posted in I'm Just Sayin', Leukemia, Life and Ministry, True Beauty, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2020| Leave a Comment »

By Allana Guidry

I wrote this a couple years ago about when I found out about my leukemia fight. It encouraged my heart once again – I pray it encourages you too. He’s such a personal God.

January 4th, 2013 does not hold a Facebook post. From Facebook’s perspective it was a day of silence. Yet, when the word ‘Leukemia’ was spoken, my day was anything but silent. Within a few minutes of being told my diagnoses, I was wheeled away for a CT scan and a bone marrow biopsy. I cried through both. All I could think about was my family. How would we tell our four children (Emily , Robert , Sami, and Chayla). And Nisa…. what about my precious 19 day old miracle baby? I cried through my biopsy. Man, it hurt like heck, but it was my heart that hurt the most. I couldn’t stop crying. When the biopsy was finished the doctor left the room and let me be, but then I felt a hand rub my back and when I turned around I saw a nurse there. She was crying too. I told her I was sorry for losing it, but I was dreading telling my family. She said, “Honey, don’t be sorry, you have every right to cry, just remember, no one here will ever cry alone.” Yes this made me sob.
I finally gathered myself enough to get wheeled to my bed that waited for me down the hallway, but when the nurse opened the door, to my great surprise, there was my OB, tears running down her face and she was apologizing for not getting here in time to be with me for my tests. My OB is the one who sent me to the hospital when things just didn’t look right. And here she was. Crying at the door. She knelt down beside me and hugged me and prayed over me. Seriously, what kind of doctor does this?

As I was pushed closer to my room, I saw my husband talking on the phone, repeating again what at that moment seemed to be the darkest word in our language, “Allana has leukemia,” standing near him in the door way, was Nate Elarton. The look in his eyes is one I will never forget. It was one of sadness, deep love, and the tattletale signs that he was screaming on the inside wishing this moment was anything but true. He isn’t just our pastor, he is our friend.
Then as I came into the room, there I saw one of my best friends, Lisa K Shaull, holding my precious Nisa Faith, who was only 19 days old. Some how though I know Lisa was torn apart inside, on the outside, though I saw concern, I mostly saw a place of peace. When I was placed in my bed, I noticed another dear friend, one who is truly like a brother to me, Tim Rabara. Out of the three, he looked the most devastated, but I remembered he smiled and joked around that all the attention was on me, AGAIN. Trust me, in the months to come, Tim’s humor, though most might misunderstand, helped me A LOT!

As the day wore on, my room became silent, and Sam and I began to pray. God gave me the vision:

When I opened my eyes, I saw a beautiful music box, you know the one that has a beautiful ballerina spinning on top. He told me to come closer. As I did, I saw that it wasn’t a ballerina but a little girl dancing with her daddy. I smiled at the beauty they held, and yet a little bit of a hurt because I had never experienced such a thing. He told me to come closer. As I did, I saw that the little girl’s feet were on top of her dad’s. Tears formed in my eyes at the precious scene they made. He told me to come closer. As I did, I became that girl. His arms were gentle and yet strongly wrapped around me. My feet upon His. He said to me, “My precious daughter, I adore you. I cherish you. You are my prized possession. This road is going to spin us around and around. Keep your feet on mine; put your arms around me. No matter how fast we spin, I will never let go.”

My Heavenly Father kept His promise. He was with me every single step. I don’t look at this day, now 5 years ago as the most devastating thing that has happened to me or our family, oh sure, it was life changing! One of the most difficult journeys yet. The difference is that my faith in the One who held me never wavered for a second. I didn’t doubt His love for me. I didn’t doubt His faithfulness to be with me.

If you find yourself in a life spinning event, please allow me to encourage you… God loves you, more than you can comprehend. It doesn’t matter how much you doubt Him. It doesn’t matter how much you have pushed Him away, He still adores you. He finds you truly precious. He is calling to you, asking you to trust Him. This doesn’t mean your dance will stop or end, but it does mean that you can trust Him to never leave you or forsake you. He is faithful! He isn’t just faithful because I’m now looking at my cancer fight from a 5 year span, God is faithful because He is faithful. It’s that plain and simple. If He had chosen to take me home to be with Him, He would still remain faithful and He would be there with my family and help them through. Let God fill you with peace. Trust = Peace. I know. I lived it. He is so so good!

(a special thanks to Dani Herrera for taking the picture from my head onto paper)

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True Beauty

Posted in Life and Ministry, True Beauty, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2019| Leave a Comment »

img_20180901_180215_9166208984611288099188.jpg

 

A little about Allana’s online Ministry for Women, True Beauty.

I recently asked my True Beauty members to give me words to describe True Beauty – this picture shows those words. Want to know more about True Beauty? Then keep reading…

In July 2014, a year after my cancer fight, I shared on Facebook that I wanted to get healthy – physically, emotionally, spiritually, and even relationally. Many women commented that they were in the same place. I felt the Holy Spirit nudge my heart to start a Facebook Group for women of all ages to have a safe place to find accountability, support and prayer as they were on their journey to grow healthier in every area of their life. I can’t believe that we will celebrate our 4th year in July!

True Beauty has two private Facebook Groups. One is for those who are in the Michigan and Ohio area. The other TB group is for women spread throughout the US. We have ladies who live in Wyoming, Montana, Washington, Texas, Florida, Missouri, and Indiana. I don’t let either group have more than 25 members in it because I believe that we grow best in small groups. We have ladies in all different seasons… some are married, some are divorced, and some have never been married. We have some that are young mothers, some that are dealing with teenagers, some that have adult children, and some that do not have any children. We have members who work in the home and some that work outside of their home. We have members who have followed Jesus for years and years, and others who are just starting out on their spiritual journey. All women are welcome.

Aside from the two True Beauty groups, we also have two side groups that all the True Beauty members are able to join – One is called Saturate – that is our Bible Study group for those who really want to dig into God’s Word. Right now we are studying Hebrews 11 and digging in deep with all the ‘heroes of faith’. We also have True Beauty Fit, which is a group that is focused on the physical aspect of our lives. It is very encouraging and motivating as we make healthy choices for our body.

True Beauty might be for you if:
• You are looking for accountability in your walk with God
• You enjoy praying and encouraging other women while
they are on their own walk of life
• You love Jesus and you want to grow closer to Him
• You want to be encouraged in your physical, emotional
and spiritual health
• You desire to be in a safe group with authentic Christ-
followers
• You want a place where you can take off the mask and
just be real
• You visit Facebook multiple times a week

Here are four statements from a few of our Beauties that I want to share with you because they tell the heart of True Beauty.

“True Beauty is my safe haven. I know that I can open up and reveal vulnerability and feel nothing but love, support, and uplifting encouragement in return. Not only can I rely and count on prayer warriors lifting me up in my time of need but the love and acceptance with open arms is one that surpasses any group I have been a part of. These ladies are imperfect and flawed just like me and there is no judgement when any of us talk about our shortcomings or falling short of the glory of God. They love you and help you out of that battle you are fighting. This place is close to my heart” Member since 2014

“True Beauty came to me during a time of brokenness in my life, the Lord sent His comfort, strength and encouragement to me through this special group of women and I will always treasure them for their sensitivity, love and grace. True Beauty is a safe haven for growth, unconditional love and fellowship for women in Christ, no matter what stage of life you are in!” Member since 2015

“I love TB as it has helped me make real spiritual connections with people and loving relationships. I feel safe being able to express my needs and thoughts here. I’m so thankful God brought me here.” Member since 2016

“I love True Beauty because I know that no matter what, there is always someone there to talk to about anything at all. I love that no matter what stage of life we are in, we have support.” Member since 2017

Thanks for reading! True Beauty has become so much more than I ever dreamed of in the beginning. I had no idea that it would become such a meaningful and powerful group filled with friendships that would encourage my life with such richness that I really can’t even really put into words.
If you are interested in joining, please private message me and I will give you more info.

(FB:  Allana Belrose Guidry)

 

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The Nineteen Days 2018

Posted in Leukemia, Life and Ministry, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2018| Leave a Comment »

19

Nineteen days,  who knew that nineteen days would ever come to be so meaningful to me. I am not going to digress to the back story that builds the significance of these days.  You can get a sense of the whole journey here.  It represents the realization of on incredible Miracle in our lives and the beginnings of another.  Day 1 will forever be a joyous day.  We will celebrate the birth of Nisa Faith year after year.  Day 1 is the culmination of nine months of a melange of concern, faith, fear, trust and surrender.  It was a day of arrival, of life, of completion.  It was a day of overt blessing.  December 16th of 2012 was a joyous day.  What Allana and I did not know, what we could not have known was that it was a day of provision, a day of strength given.  I would be lying if I said that I sat at this computer with a solid thesis or a planned allegory.  The reality is that when I wrote this it was my first opportunity to truly experience and embrace the nineteen days.  When they occurred they were simply another nineteen days in the Christmas season and in 2013 we were still too deeply embroiled the Allana’s battle against Leukemia and the recovery from the Bone Marrow Transplant for me to experience them the way that I did as I was writing.  Now, five years out we sit at a new crossroads.  We have moved from sickness to health and out of the ashes of cancer God is teaching truths of life and ministry that are new every day.

Day 1 was not without its difficulties, ask any mother and she will tell you that this particular joy comes with its own brand of pain.  Two dear friends who were expecting when I originally posted these thoughts, engaged in a tongue-in-cheek argument on Facebook concerning any man’s ability to truly conceive of the trials and eventual pains of pregnancy and birth.  I do not even pretend (or desire) to really understand, preferring to stand by Allana’s side than in her place for this particular event.  Chayla’s birth was a stroll in the park, Nisa’s was more like a kick in the gut and then a short sprint to the finish line (a race in which Nisa beat our doctor and surprised our nurse).  Still, there she was, perfect, beautiful, a miracle from the hand of God.  We basked in the joy of the now.  We knew it was day one, but not that there were only 18 days left to this paragraph of our lives.

The frenzy of the night (Nisa was born at 9:40 pm) and the flush of the first day gives way to a wash of relief. The tensions of the past nine months; the fear at each ultrasound appointment; the waiting for the pronouncement that a new cycle of loss and grief would begin; they all fall away.Nisa Day 2

We joyfully prepare to bring Nisa home.  I am not sure that my words can express Day 2 any better than the twinkle in Allana’s eyes.  This Christmas gift is probably the best that we have ever received.  The whole family rejoices at the absence of that fateful “talk” with Robert, Sami and Chayla.  Each of us in our own way process the losses of the past in the joyous light of Nisa’s arrival.  We cannot help think of the siblings in heaven, from the Crashing resonation of Josiah’s passing to the unheralded passing of Ezra Matthew.   Day 2 becomes about rest, enjoyment and blessing.  The gathering storm is still beyond the horizon.  There is no sense of the deadly changes perhaps just beginning to take place.  Still what would come does not erase the joy and peace of Day 2.  It only serves to highlight it and to make me more thankful for God’s grace than ever.

NisaHome

 

 

The frenzied posting, calling and emailing is over.  Nisa Faith has been announced to the world.  As we approached the day that we celebrate our Saviors birth, we finally get to truly celebrate Nisa’s coming.

D. A. Precious: And those cheeks! I’m so happy for you!
December 19, 2012 at 1:48am · Like

Allana Belrose Guidry: I know. They are getting lots of kisses
December 19, 2012 at 1:54am · Like · 2

Nisa’s cheeks are getting a lot of kisses.  Allana is feeling a little more tired than usual….but then she just had a baby and she is not as young as she used to be.

We were prepared for all of the life changes that a newborn brings.  Bassinet, Pack n Play, bottles, formula, car seat, diapers etc….  What we did not know was that God had also prepared us for the changes that most likely even on this day six years ago were beginning to take place in the depths of Allana’s bones (weird to type that and not mean it metaphorically).  Eleven years of growth through struggle as a family, as individuals and as children of the Living God was about to be tested in a way that we had not imagined even in our wildest nightmares.  Still even as we were prepared for Nisa’s arrival, God had prepared us for that which we could not have even begun to be ready for.  So many crossroads where God directed what seemed the long and windy path.  It seemed so foolish, as foolish as buying diapers and preparing a nursery for a baby that would never come.

Nisa was here, and the long and windy path would soon be clear.

 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:15-16

The frenzy of birth fades in the light of our celebration of our Saviors arrival on the scene.  These days are filled with wonderful preparation and quiet enjoyment (with little sleep).  We are blessed by the generosity of so many of you who will read this, as we were suddenly and unexpectedly blessed this year.  Then as now I don’t know why I am surprised when I pray for provision and it comes in abundance.  Presents are wrapped as Nisa is loved and coddled by so many.  The preparations made over the previous month are in full use now.  Allana is enjoying her Christmas blessing, drinking in Nisa’s presence having desired this particular beverage for so very long.

She wakes on Day 7, a little sore, her throat a bit raspy and maybe just a touch of fever.  Not to worry, she did just give birth and the crazy weather is enough to make anyone a bit….

The preparations made over a lifetime by an all knowing God are about to be tested.  Quiet joy and praises rise from home and ministry wrapped in one.  So much has been put on hold as we waited for Nisa.  We are already making plans for the Spring and Summer, mapping out what our lives and ministry will look like.  We did not know that in less than two weeks everything would change, but God had been molding us into “change managers” for some time.  Early in our journey to full-time ministry when I had left the Hospitality industry God had given me a word that I would only know what I would be doing and how we would be living 30 days at a time.  It was frustrating and difficult but it prepared me for the runaway train ride that was coming.

The fevers worsened.  We moved through Christmas and towards the New Year.  Sore throat spread to body aches and stomach pain.  These days so close to the day that everything changed are barely a blur in my memory.  I can remember little of what happened outside of the progression of the illness that we didn’t even know was there.  Even with the fevers and discomfort there was a blissful ignorance as to the journey that we were being called to embark on.  Just to put the whole piece into perspective, Nisa was born at 9:40 pm on December 16th.  The 17th is day one and we move on from there.  So we are looking at December 25th through January 1st.  As I review the various posts on Facebook I see faces of joy and innocence.  The fevers are a footnote to the joy of the season made even more joyful by the arrival of our miracle baby.  Allana even downplays the intensity of the fevers putting them at 102. By the night of the 31st they are spiking between 104 and 106, or maybe not wanting to worry her too much I fudge the numbers a little, I do not really remember..  A trip to the ER is only forestalled by the fact that the Ibuprofen is knocking them down into safer territory.  Still by New Years Day it was enough.  We called Allana’s OB office.  The doctor on call prescribes a heavy duty antibiotic and some anti nausea medicine to mitigate the side effects.  We start it right away, but of course she does not get better.  By January 2nd Allana is very sick.  The pain in her belly has gotten much worse.  We suspect a postpartum infection but don’t understand why the antibiotics do not help.  January 3rd is a Thursday.  We arrive at the OB office at 10:00 am and are ushered in to the examining room.  Our Nurse Practitioner listens patiently to the story, but as the physical exam progresses her demeanor changes.  There is an urgency to her motions as she feels the abnormal swelling in Allana’s belly, the tenderness and lumps at her joints.  I can feel my apprehension risings, but still there are so many pills, shots, treatments…a quick fix is in order…

“I have called the Flower Hospital, they are expecting her.”  What…we need to get some tests… “No we are admitting her.”  We have plans can it wait until Monday… “No, I want you there within 2 hours, go home settle the children and pick up what you need.  Once you are there they will begin running tests to see what is going on.”

FlowerJan3Well if you have to be in a hospital you might as well have a beautiful view and a beautiful woman to share it with.

It was only shortly after this picture was taken that I would hear the word “Leukemia” for the first time, mixed in with a couple of other potential causes for Allana’s test results.  If the fevers were the relentless clacking as the rollercoaster climbs the first rise, then this was the ominous pause before the first drop.  The ride would not stop for almost a year.  However while the emotions and physical aspects rode the speeding rails, God remained rock solid and faithful.  The outpouring of love from God’s people was incredible.  Even in the midst of the myriad of “spiritual” advisers who decried our lack of faith for continuing treatment or saw this as a sign of trouble in our walk with God; His love overwhelmed us. “Traveling deeper and deeper.  Closer closer to God”  Allana’s words would ring with truth in a way that neither of us could ever imagine.  Deeper and Deeper. Closer, closer to God…there was no where else to go.

I am going to follow this up with more posts around The Nineteen Days.  I too often forget to lead with the fact that Allana came through treatment well and has been cancer free for over 5 years now.  While we have weathered short forays into ministry together through the past years,  we are again engaged together in His service.  Grandchildren have come.  Children have grown, married, prepared for High School and College.  Nisa turned 6 today.  We walk the Hupomone road following His guidance and blessing.  We are so thankful for all of those who have held us when we were weak and walked with us as we have traveled.

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A Lesson in Hope: Reprised

Posted in Leukemia, Life and Ministry, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2018| Leave a Comment »

The Chemo Tree

For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope ; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

Romans 8:25-26

 

Cancer for all its evil, all its robbery, is a great teacher of true hope.  As I sit here preparing to fly to Florida for the memorial service for my mother I am reminded of God’s lessons in hope, God’s lessons in Hupomone.  “Is this the sum of all your fears, or the truth of all your hope?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. (John 14:6)  My mother is with the Father.  She stands in our family as the truth of all our hope.

I have wrestled with this post for weeks. In fact I am still struggling with it and will probably continue to struggle with it. It is not meant to be doctrine or even counsel. It is simply emotional and spiritual transparency from a moment in which God spoke into my life.

Some time ago Real Hope with Perseverance sat next to me. He probably does not even realize how profoundly he impacted my life. God is so amazing in the way that he pairs the events of our lives with the biblical truths that he is laying on our hearts. This man and his loved ones walked the path that Allana and I, along with our family and so many of you walked over the past 18 months. He road the rollercoaster of emotion. He even walked the same hospital hallways. He prayed and was prayed for. He held those he loved and was held by them. A few short weeks before I met him the vibrant woman of God, his beloved wife, whom I will only meet when I get to stand in the presence of my God died.

As I sat there with my lovely Allana across from me God whispered in my ear…ok maybe he shouted. “Is this the sum of all your fears or the truth of All your hope.” “But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.” Hope and perseverance are inexorably entwined for the believer and it is not hope in the visible and perseverance to the seen but a hope that is embedded in faith. ” Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

All the numbers that I had heard and read rolled through my mind, percentages of life and death. Grief and fear walking alongside faith and hope as I stood with my beloved. The same grief, fear, faith and hope that I saw sitting next to me. “Is this the sum of all your fears or the truth of All your hope”

Blessings,

Sam

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Hupomone: Being Home

Posted in Bible Study, I'm Just Sayin', Life and Ministry, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on July 6, 2018| Leave a Comment »

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, LORD Almighty, my King and my God. Psalm 84:3

maphome

Turn right onto 140.  Take a slight right onto Highland continue through the S Curve onto North Vine St.  Turn left onto Reservoir Rd. and then make a right onto Violet Circle…

Going home really doesn’t seem such a big deal to most of us.  Simple directions like those above bring us….home.  Well at least they bring us to a place where we have a roof over our heads.

“Honey when you are home, you are not really home.”  Allana’s words stung.  Of course I was home.  I knew my address and could navigate my way.  The reality of this statement was both so much more subtle and reached so deeply into who I was that it would not be until years later that I would see the truth in it. This particular disability strikes deeply separating us from the Hupomone God who loves us just as it separates us from those around us who would do the same.  We cannot remain under or about a place that we have never really been.  As I look back I can see God calling to me so many times “Beloved, when you are home, you are not really home”.

Walking through the motions of “getting home” does not cut it.  There is an undeniably spiritual aspect of HOME. More importantly it takes a spiritual intentionality to enter into a HOME relationship with anyone, but especially one with God.

Then the Lord said,
“Because this people draw near with their words
And honor Me with their lip service,
But they remove their hearts far from Me,
And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote,  Isaiah 29:13

Israel knew the way HOME.  If you asked them, they would tell you they were HOME.  They followed the traditions, they followed the law, they sacrificed, celebrated; they did all these things and believed it meant HOME.  They were wrong and there would be consequences just as there are for all of us.

Therefore behold, I will once again deal marvelously with this people, wondrously marvelous;
And the wisdom of their wise men will perish,
And the discernment of their discerning men will be concealed.”  Isaiah 29:14

I wish I could say that today I am an expert at being home, that it comes naturally.  The truth is old habits die hard and the technology of the 21st century makes easier than ever to not be wherever you are.  Being home requires an ongoing commitment to God, to my family and to all the people God brings into my life.

Jodi King of Love and the Outcome has perhaps more opportunity than any of us to miss being home.  The life of a musician on the road and in the studio, constantly having to be new and fresh for the fans could certainly leave one with little time to be home.  She recently started video blogging on Mondays and this is one that touched my heart and gave me the ending for this blog (that I initially wrote over 6 months ago, so thank you Jodi!)

 


 

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Hupomone: It’s in the details.

Posted in Bible Study, Life and Ministry, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2018| Leave a Comment »

This is a social media post from my brother.  I am not going to go into all the history and details of why I hold him in high regard as a Hupomone Man.

I have, to some degree, learned the tension of walking through the valley of the shadow of death while still expecting blessing. I can navigate suffering (relatively speaking) but expect blessing. So when I knew I was flying to Shanghai I decided to be specific in my request to God. I bought a coach seat but wanted an upgrade. Not only did I want an upgrade, I wanted to be upgraded to the upper deck of the 747 aircraft in seat 77. When I checked my flight just before our Sunday gathering at The Bridge Metrowest, I saw I had been upgraded to seat 77. See, in the grand scheme of things it’s a small thing. In light of recent events it’s insignificant. But it means something to me that the Father cares about the little things that seem big to His kids in the moment. That’s what Dads do. He’s a good good Father.

Walking in the miraculous should be a way of life for the Hupomone man.  It is a lifestyle that extends from our faith.  (For a look at Walking in the Miraculous click here ).

As my brother says we have a good, good Father; one who gives his children good gifts (Luke 11:13).  The mistake that we make too often is linking the gifts from our Father to the circumstances of our lives and our own expectations.  When we become a new creation we are freed from circumstances and our only expectation is “that all things work together for good…” (Romans 8:38).

Our freedom and expectation of  God’s good makes the miraculous details of God’s love all the more amazing because whether you get upgraded to seat 77 or your flight is canceled and you are stuck in the airport for 36 hours the goodness of our Father remains, along with the expectation of the miraculous.  This reality does not diminish the joy of the above story, in fact it enhances it because the joy is guaranteed.  We just need to walk it out.  This is not the giddy joy of circumstance, it is the hupomone joy.  It is the joy that remains regardless of circumstance but brings those oh yeah moments when he opens up the gates of heaven to bless in demonstrative fashion to strengthen the hupomone faith of creatures born of circumstance.

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Tis So Sweet

Posted in Bible Study, I'm Just Sayin', Leukemia, Life and Ministry, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2018| Leave a Comment »

I wrote most of this piece five years ago.  We had recently gotten back to Toledo after 4 months in Cleveland following Allana’s bone marrow transplant and after weathering what was easily the greatest test of our lives.  I can remember hearing this song that morning and feeling the impact of the words more than I had ever.

TisSoSweet

“Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,Just to take Him at His word, Just to rest upon His promise and to know ‘Thus saith the Lord’

Wonderful words penned by Louisa Stead over 200 years ago ring true today.  She lived in a world that served up tragedy on a regular basis just the same as we do today.  Even as we struggle with the trial of Leukemia the trials of this world impact so many others all around us.  A young bride is bereft of her husband on the way to her honeymoon.  A mother and grandmother passes away.  A child is desperately ill.  Families are losing their homes.  All these things rock the carefully manicured lives that we try to prepare for ourselves and those closest to us.  It is in the midst of grief and turmoil that the words of this great hymn begin to make sense “Jesus, Jesus how I trust him.  How I’ve proved him o’er and o’er.  Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus oh for grace to trust him more.”    It really makes sense because it is grace that makes our trust possible.  I have in my life attempted to trust by study, by effort and by ostrich (sticking my head into the sand).  I can attest to the fact that these paths to trusting our Savior do not work.  In the end they magnify the turmoil and most often leave one sensing an ever increasing gap between God and oneself.  We end up feeling unloved and that God has somehow failed to keep up his end of the bargain.  Thoughts like, “But God I have done everything you asked…”; “Lord I don’t know what you want from me I can’t do anymore…” tear at our faith and bring in a spirit of defeat that can be more devastating than the tragic events themselves.

It is when by grace we detach our faith from circumstance and effort, relying on the Holy Spirit, simply fanning the flame of the gift that God has given each of us through whatever circumstances occur because we are convinced that He will guard us and the Gospel He has entrusted with us through the Holy Spirit (1 Timothy 1:6-14).  Paul follows up this impassioned guidance to Timothy with the difficult circumstances that Paul found himself in and the sustenance that God provided to Paul.  I think that even in his chains Paul would have sung Louisa Stead’s lyrics with an honest heart.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Him,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
And I know that He is with me,
Will be with me to the end.

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