Posts Tagged ‘Allana Guidry’

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, LORD Almighty, my King and my God. Psalm 84:3

maphome

Turn right onto 140.  Take a slight right onto Highland continue through the S Curve onto North Vine St.  Turn left onto Reservoir Rd. and then make a right onto Violet Circle…

Going home really doesn’t seem such a big deal to most of us.  Simple directions like those above bring us….home.  Well at least they bring us to a place where we have a roof over our heads.

“Honey when you are home, you are not really home.”  Allana’s words stung.  Of course I was home.  I knew my address and could navigate my way.  The reality of this statement was both so much more subtle and reached so deeply into who I was that it would not be until years later that I would see the truth in it. This particular disability strikes deeply separating us from the Hupomone God who loves us just as it separates us from those around us who would do the same.  We cannot remain under or about a place that we have never really been.  As I look back I can see God calling to me so many times “Beloved, when you are home, you are not really home”.

Walking through the motions of “getting home” does not cut it.  There is an undeniably spiritual aspect of HOME. More importantly it takes a spiritual intentionality to enter into a HOME relationship with anyone, but especially one with God.

Then the Lord said,
“Because this people draw near with their words
And honor Me with their lip service,
But they remove their hearts far from Me,
And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote,  Isaiah 29:13

Israel knew the way HOME.  If you asked them, they would tell you they were HOME.  They followed the traditions, they followed the law, they sacrificed, celebrated; they did all these things and believed it meant HOME.  They were wrong and there would be consequences just as there are for all of us.

Therefore behold, I will once again deal marvelously with this people, wondrously marvelous;
And the wisdom of their wise men will perish,
And the discernment of their discerning men will be concealed.”  Isaiah 29:14

I wish I could say that today I am an expert at being home, that it comes naturally.  The truth is old habits die hard and the technology of the 21st century makes easier than ever to not be wherever you are.  Being home requires an ongoing commitment to God, to my family and to all the people God brings into my life.

Jodi King of Love and the Outcome has perhaps more opportunity than any of us to miss being home.  The life of a musician on the road and in the studio, constantly having to be new and fresh for the fans could certainly leave one with little time to be home.  She recently started video blogging on Mondays and this is one that touched my heart and gave me the ending for this blog (that I initially wrote over 6 months ago, so thank you Jodi!)

 


 

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This is a social media post from my brother.  I am not going to go into all the history and details of why I hold him in high regard as a Hupomone Man.

I have, to some degree, learned the tension of walking through the valley of the shadow of death while still expecting blessing. I can navigate suffering (relatively speaking) but expect blessing. So when I knew I was flying to Shanghai I decided to be specific in my request to God. I bought a coach seat but wanted an upgrade. Not only did I want an upgrade, I wanted to be upgraded to the upper deck of the 747 aircraft in seat 77. When I checked my flight just before our Sunday gathering at The Bridge Metrowest, I saw I had been upgraded to seat 77. See, in the grand scheme of things it’s a small thing. In light of recent events it’s insignificant. But it means something to me that the Father cares about the little things that seem big to His kids in the moment. That’s what Dads do. He’s a good good Father.

Walking in the miraculous should be a way of life for the Hupomone man.  It is a lifestyle that extends from our faith.  (For a look at Walking in the Miraculous click here ).

As my brother says we have a good, good Father; one who gives his children good gifts (Luke 11:13).  The mistake that we make too often is linking the gifts from our Father to the circumstances of our lives and our own expectations.  When we become a new creation we are freed from circumstances and our only expectation is “that all things work together for good…” (Romans 8:38).

Our freedom and expectation of  God’s good makes the miraculous details of God’s love all the more amazing because whether you get upgraded to seat 77 or your flight is canceled and you are stuck in the airport for 36 hours the goodness of our Father remains, along with the expectation of the miraculous.  This reality does not diminish the joy of the above story, in fact it enhances it because the joy is guaranteed.  We just need to walk it out.  This is not the giddy joy of circumstance, it is the hupomone joy.  It is the joy that remains regardless of circumstance but brings those oh yeah moments when he opens up the gates of heaven to bless in demonstrative fashion to strengthen the hupomone faith of creatures born of circumstance.

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I wrote most of this piece five years ago.  We had recently gotten back to Toledo after 4 months in Cleveland following Allana’s bone marrow transplant and after weathering what was easily the greatest test of our lives.  I can remember hearing this song that morning and feeling the impact of the words more than I had ever.

TisSoSweet

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,Just to take Him at His word, Just to rest upon His promise and to know ‘Thus saith the Lord’

Wonderful words penned by Louisa Stead over 200 years ago ring true today.  She lived in a world that served up tragedy on a regular basis just the same as we do today.  Even as we struggle with the trial of Leukemia the trials of this world impact so many others all around us.  A young bride is bereft of her husband on the way to her honeymoon.  A mother and grandmother passes away.  A child is desperately ill.  Families are losing their homes.  All these things rock the carefully manicured lives that we try to prepare for ourselves and those closest to us.  It is in the midst of grief and turmoil that the words of this great hymn begin to make sense Jesus, Jesus how I trust him.  How I’ve proved him o’er and o’er.  Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus oh for grace to trust him more.”    It really makes sense because it is grace that makes our trust possible.  I have in my life attempted to trust by study, by effort and by ostrich (sticking my head into the sand).  I can attest to the fact that these paths to trusting our Savior do not work.  In the end they magnify the turmoil and most often leave one sensing an ever increasing gap between God and oneself.  We end up feeling unloved and that God has somehow failed to keep up his end of the bargain.  Thoughts like, “But God I have done everything you asked…”; “Lord I don’t know what you want from me I can’t do anymore…” tear at our faith and bring in a spirit of defeat that can be more devastating than the tragic events themselves.

It is when by grace we detach our faith from circumstance and effort, relying on the Holy Spirit, simply fanning the flame of the gift that God has given each of us through whatever circumstances occur because we are convinced that He will guard us and the Gospel He has entrusted with us through the Holy Spirit (1 Timothy 1:6-14).  Paul follows up this impassioned guidance to Timothy with the difficult circumstances that Paul found himself in and the sustenance that God provided to Paul.  I think that even in his chains Paul would have sung Louisa Stead’s lyrics with an honest heart.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Him,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
And I know that He is with me,
Will be with me to the end.

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Our Story

There are times

in the Christian walk when it is clear and obvious what God is doing in our lives and the lives of those around us.  However those times, at least for me are few and far between.  When God asks us to walk a particular road there are times when we never (perhaps until we are in the glory of His presence) know the rest of the story.  There are other times when we are far past that path and have moved to other roads of His choosing that He honors us with a glimpse of the rest of the story.

Sometimes we are “the rest of the story” for someone else.  Early in Allana’s battle with Leukemia we were both in a dark place.  The realities of Chemotherapy had begun to set in. We were separated from our children because of the epidemic levels of illness in the Toledo area and Allana’s dropping immune levels.  The nature of the Leukemia and the length of the battle ahead was becoming apparent.  The response of our faith community, friends and family was amazing.  They were all definitely the boat that God provided to keep us afloat in the storm, but still the waves, the wind and the darkness were overwhelming.  Into this storm walked a young nurse.  She was not one of our regular nurses, in fact we never saw her again.  She came in to the room during her shift and told us that she had heard we were believers and asked if she could pray with us at the end of her shift.  The prayers of many, all kinds of prayers, have been a comfort and strength throughout many trials in our lives, so of course we said, “of course”.

When the end of her shift came, she arrived as she said.  She was so young and seemed so small in comparison to our plight.  Don’t get me wrong we appreciated her heart and the prayers of everyone who lifts us up to God’s throne, but our expectation was perhaps a little wind for our sails.  However God knew that at that moment we did not need a little wind in our sails.  We needed light to shred the darkness and we needed to FEEL the presence of God.  This little nurse began to pray and called down the fire of heaven into that hospital room (and yes I am crying as I type this).  The darkness and the storm shredded in the light of God’s presence.  I can certainly imagine the joy of a mariner caught in a seemingly endless storm when the sun breaks through to warm his face.  I honestly don’t remember what happened next, it is lost in the overwhelming presence of God. I am sure that we thanked her.  I doubt that she realized the importance of her obedience to God in our battle.  I have told this story a number of times, but I don’t know if she has ever heard the rest of the story.  I hope so but that decision rests in the hands of God.  We are so blessed when He imparts the rest of the story into our lives but as His children we can be assured that the rest of the story is amazing.

 

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Why

The question was actually posed to me some time ago by a young German woman. I had befriended her and her husband in an online game that I was playing. She quickly became aware of my faith and one day as we chatted about life she abruptly posed this question.

Why do you serve God? What does he do for you?

My mind quickly went to all the theologically correct answers that I had learned over the years but quickly discarded them. First of all I don’t think her English was up to taking in a bunch of “Christianese” (and my German was certainly not up to conveying anything other than hello and thank you). Secondly my guess is that perhaps somewhere she had already heard the platitudes. She was looking for something more intimate, more personal. She really wanted to know , why did Sam Guidry (or Flamefanner as my gaming friends know me) choose to serve this god. I gave her an answer. I do not even recall what it was, however it set me to thinking and so I give you:

Five Reasons that I serve God: Personal

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.       Hebrews 4:15

We have reached reason number four.  Reason number one is that God consistently amazes me.  Number two is that he is unconditional.  I can count on him regardless of my circumstances.  Number three is that he lets me see myself as he sees me, not as the world would paint me or as circumstances color who I am.  The fifth reason is wrapped up in all of these.  He is not some distant being who manipulates the world around us and requires things of us.  He engages us, amazes us, impacts us and shows us how he sees us through the lens of Jesus Christ and all His wonderful promises.

How amazing it is to be personally engaged by an omniscient God.  He always knows just what I need even when I don’t.  I was recently looking at the Caring Bridge journal that I kept as we walked the journey of Allana’s Leukemia.  It was toward the end of her first course of chemotherapy.  Allana was at her weakest (until the bone marrow transplant treatments).   We had been battered by the brutal side effects of the chemo.  Allana had just lost her hair.  It was at this dark hour that an omniscient God engaged us in a most personal way through a young nurse.  This is not to make light of the incredible support and care that he provided through His people and directly through the ministry of the Holy Spirit but at this time, at this moment we needed something special.  I am guessing that that something special came through a young lady who may never know the place she holds in our hearts. I will let the Caringbridge post speak for itself.

The other was through a nurse, a young lady in the healing profession who stood over and for Allana tonight and prayed her heart out. The presence of God filled the room as she proclaimed healing and peace and blessing over Allana and myself. The uncontrollable tears that are for me a sign of a special stirring of the Holy Spirit (Lord anytime you can come up with a different sign for me I will really be ok with that!) came and I think all three of us just bathed in that presence. God truly directs the steps of His People and he directed her to be at the right place, at the right time and then used her to bless our socks off.

Today was a day of weariness, loss and some pain but more importantly today was a day that God reminded us….again…. that Leukemia has won nothing. The Victory is won and Jesus is His name.  Caringbridge, Allana Guidry January 25, 2013.

And yes, my eyes are full of tears again.  How can they not be when I have such a great God and Father who loves and cares for me in such a personal way?  While the circumstances may enhance the intensity of God’s personal intervention here, it is only one among a multitude of instances.  As Allana and I have moved along in our faith walk He has repeatedly engaged us in a deeply personal way that helped us to grow and mature in our faith (the great unconditional impacting the conditional).  Whether it was speaking the phrase “fan into flame” so deeply into our hearts or inspiring Allana to proclaim the “True Beauty in Christ” that is our true identity.  He has moved us to be in just the right places for the growth that we needed throughout our time together.  Separately he turned our hearts to Him at a time when we were both dealing with the repercussions of our own poor decisions before bringing us together, companions on the walk of faith.

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written, “FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.” But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:35-39

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As I sit here waiting for Allana’s last appointment here at The Clinic for some time, I am reflecting on God’s intervention in those early days of treatment. After a tumultuous first round of treatment at Flower Hospital where God intervened in a miraculous way, we were referred to the Cleveland Clinic.

Caring bridge Post 02/08/2013:

…This is not to say that Thursday morning went super smoothly, the keys to the rental car that my parents were driving ended up locked in the trunk right at the time that we were supposed to leave. But God had it under control, AAA arrived in record time and the hospital said they were able to shuffle things for us. He brought Jeff T and Larry B to our door on a prayer walk and they prayed for both Allana and I this brought us peace in this moment of turmoil. However neither of us had peace as to which way to go. I wanted
her admitted and the treatment started right away, but I knew it was out of fear NOT out of an understanding of God’s will.

Allana seemed to be strongly leaning towards delaying or even discontinuing treatment, especially if all the tests were clear. She so desperately wanted to stand on complete healing.

After the bone marrow test and the discussion with the doctor it was time for the rubber to hit the road.The doctor started to move on the assumption of admission and I stopped that and said we had a few questions.We asked our questions but they were really immaterial to the prayers of our spirits with the Holy Spirit for clarity and peace.

I waited for Allana to make her objection and prepared to engage the doctor for her, but she looked up and quietly said, “let’s do it”. I turned her head towards me and looked her in the eye, ” You don’t have to.It is YOUR decision.Are you sure?””I am sure.” she replied. Instantly the peace of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit rolled over us. The outcome was what I had wanted all along but the path I had been headed on to get their was not going to bring the peace that I was desperate for, even though the end would have been the same; the road would have brought more fear and lessened my clarity with the Holy Spirit.

We do not serve a God who holds or a faith that promotes that the end justifies the means.  In fact I would suggest exactly the opposite is true.  Our faith in Jesus Christ is one where the means justifies the end. Paul tell’s the Philippians:

Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; Philippians 1:27

The verse starts with Monon, only, alone.  This one thing do, Paul says.  It is not about the result.  That is in the hands of God.  It is about the means.  We can arrive at God’s intended result and be so far outside of His peace because we did not conduct ourselves worthy of the gospel of Christ, we did not walk according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:4).

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This is a Facebook post by my wife Allana.  She is my Hupomone partner in life.  Her dedication to God and our family as we have walked the path laid in front of us has been nothing short of amazing.  I started and stopped writing about this day several times.

 

January 4th, 2013 does not hold a Facebook post. From Facebook’s perspective it was a day of silence. Yet, when the word ‘Leukemia’ was spoken, my day was anything but silent. Within a few minutes of being told my diagnoses, I was wheeled away for a CT scan and a bone marrow biopsy. I cried through both. All I could think about was my family. How would we tell our four children (Emily Rose Bowman, Robert Guidry, Sami Guidry, and Chayla Guidry). And Nisa…. what about my precious 19 day old miracle baby? I cried through my biopsy. Man, it hurt like heck, but it was my heart that hurt the most. I couldn’t stop crying. When the biopsy was finished the doctor left the room and let me be, but then I felt a hand rub my back and when I turned around I saw a nurse there. She was crying too. I told her I was sorry for losing it, but I was dreading telling my family. She said, “Honey, don’t be sorry, you have every right to cry, just remember, no one here will ever cry alone.” Yes this made me sob.

I finally gathered myself enough to get wheeled to my bed that waited for me down the hallway, but when the nurse opened the door, to my great surprise, there was my OB, tears running down her face and she was apologizing for not getting here in time to be with me for my tests. My OB is the one who sent me to the hospital when things just didn’t look right. And here she was. Crying at the door. She knelt down beside me and hugged me and prayed over me. Seriously, what kind of doctor does this?

As I was pushed closer to my room, I saw my husband talking on the phone, repeating again what at that moment seemed to be the darkest word in our language, “Allana has leukemia,” standing near him in the door way, was Nate Elarton. The look in his eyes is one I will never forget. It was one of sadness, deep love, and the tattletale signs that he was screaming on the inside wishing this moment was anything but true. He isn’t just our pastor, he is our friend.

Then as I came into the room, there I saw one of my best friends, Lisa K Shaull, holding my precious Nisa Faith, who was only 19 days old. Some how though I know Lisa was torn apart inside, on the outside, though I saw concern, I mostly saw a place of peace. When I was placed in my bed, I noticed another dear friend, one who is truly like a brother to me, Tim Rabara. Out of the three, he looked the most devastated, but I remembered he smiled and joked around that all the attention was on me, AGAIN. Trust me, in the months to come, Tim’s humor, though most might misunderstand, helped me A LOT!

As the day wore on, my room became silent, and Sam and I began to pray. God gave me the vision:

When I opened my eyes, I saw a beautiful music box, you know the one that has a beautiful ballerina spinning on top. He told me to come closer. As I did, I saw that it wasn’t a ballerina but a little girl dancing with her daddy. I smiled at the beauty they held, and yet a little bit of a hurt because I had never experienced such a thing. He told me to come closer. As I did, I saw that the little girl’s feet were on top of her dad’s. Tears formed in my eyes at the precious scene they made. He told me to come closer. As I did, I became that girl. His arms were gentle and yet strongly wrapped around me. My feet upon His. He said to me, “My precious daughter, I adore you. I cherish you. You are my prized possession. This road is going to spin us around and around. Keep your feet on mine; put your arms around me. No matter how fast we spin, I will never let go.”

My Heavenly Father kept His promise. He was with me every single step. I don’t look at this day, now 5 years ago as the most devastating thing that has happened to me or our family, oh sure, it was life changing! One of the most difficult journeys yet. The difference is that my faith in the One who held me never wavered for a second. I didn’t doubt His love for me. I didn’t doubt His faithfulness to be with me.

If you find yourself in a life spinning event, please allow me to encourage you… God loves you, more than you can comprehend. It doesn’t matter how much you doubt Him. It doesn’t matter how much you have pushed Him away, He still adores you. He finds you truly precious. He is calling to you, asking you to trust Him. This doesn’t mean your dance will stop or end, but it does mean that you can trust Him to never leave you or forsake you. He is faithful! He isn’t just faithful because I’m now looking at my cancer fight from a 5 year span, God is faithful because He is faithful. It’s that plain and simple. If He had chosen to take me home to be with Him, He would still remain faithful and He would be there with my family and help them through. Let God fill you with peace. Trust = Peace. I know. I lived it. He is so so good!

(a special thanks to Dani Herrera for taking the picture from my head onto paper)

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