Posts Tagged ‘vision’

This is a Facebook post by my wife Allana.  She is my Hupomone partner in life.  Her dedication to God and our family as we have walked the path laid in front of us has been nothing short of amazing.  I started and stopped writing about this day several times.

 

January 4th, 2013 does not hold a Facebook post. From Facebook’s perspective it was a day of silence. Yet, when the word ‘Leukemia’ was spoken, my day was anything but silent. Within a few minutes of being told my diagnoses, I was wheeled away for a CT scan and a bone marrow biopsy. I cried through both. All I could think about was my family. How would we tell our four children (Emily Rose Bowman, Robert Guidry, Sami Guidry, and Chayla Guidry). And Nisa…. what about my precious 19 day old miracle baby? I cried through my biopsy. Man, it hurt like heck, but it was my heart that hurt the most. I couldn’t stop crying. When the biopsy was finished the doctor left the room and let me be, but then I felt a hand rub my back and when I turned around I saw a nurse there. She was crying too. I told her I was sorry for losing it, but I was dreading telling my family. She said, “Honey, don’t be sorry, you have every right to cry, just remember, no one here will ever cry alone.” Yes this made me sob.

I finally gathered myself enough to get wheeled to my bed that waited for me down the hallway, but when the nurse opened the door, to my great surprise, there was my OB, tears running down her face and she was apologizing for not getting here in time to be with me for my tests. My OB is the one who sent me to the hospital when things just didn’t look right. And here she was. Crying at the door. She knelt down beside me and hugged me and prayed over me. Seriously, what kind of doctor does this?

As I was pushed closer to my room, I saw my husband talking on the phone, repeating again what at that moment seemed to be the darkest word in our language, “Allana has leukemia,” standing near him in the door way, was Nate Elarton. The look in his eyes is one I will never forget. It was one of sadness, deep love, and the tattletale signs that he was screaming on the inside wishing this moment was anything but true. He isn’t just our pastor, he is our friend.

Then as I came into the room, there I saw one of my best friends, Lisa K Shaull, holding my precious Nisa Faith, who was only 19 days old. Some how though I know Lisa was torn apart inside, on the outside, though I saw concern, I mostly saw a place of peace. When I was placed in my bed, I noticed another dear friend, one who is truly like a brother to me, Tim Rabara. Out of the three, he looked the most devastated, but I remembered he smiled and joked around that all the attention was on me, AGAIN. Trust me, in the months to come, Tim’s humor, though most might misunderstand, helped me A LOT!

As the day wore on, my room became silent, and Sam and I began to pray. God gave me the vision:

When I opened my eyes, I saw a beautiful music box, you know the one that has a beautiful ballerina spinning on top. He told me to come closer. As I did, I saw that it wasn’t a ballerina but a little girl dancing with her daddy. I smiled at the beauty they held, and yet a little bit of a hurt because I had never experienced such a thing. He told me to come closer. As I did, I saw that the little girl’s feet were on top of her dad’s. Tears formed in my eyes at the precious scene they made. He told me to come closer. As I did, I became that girl. His arms were gentle and yet strongly wrapped around me. My feet upon His. He said to me, “My precious daughter, I adore you. I cherish you. You are my prized possession. This road is going to spin us around and around. Keep your feet on mine; put your arms around me. No matter how fast we spin, I will never let go.”

My Heavenly Father kept His promise. He was with me every single step. I don’t look at this day, now 5 years ago as the most devastating thing that has happened to me or our family, oh sure, it was life changing! One of the most difficult journeys yet. The difference is that my faith in the One who held me never wavered for a second. I didn’t doubt His love for me. I didn’t doubt His faithfulness to be with me.

If you find yourself in a life spinning event, please allow me to encourage you… God loves you, more than you can comprehend. It doesn’t matter how much you doubt Him. It doesn’t matter how much you have pushed Him away, He still adores you. He finds you truly precious. He is calling to you, asking you to trust Him. This doesn’t mean your dance will stop or end, but it does mean that you can trust Him to never leave you or forsake you. He is faithful! He isn’t just faithful because I’m now looking at my cancer fight from a 5 year span, God is faithful because He is faithful. It’s that plain and simple. If He had chosen to take me home to be with Him, He would still remain faithful and He would be there with my family and help them through. Let God fill you with peace. Trust = Peace. I know. I lived it. He is so so good!

(a special thanks to Dani Herrera for taking the picture from my head onto paper)

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Reposted from Facebook

One thing I said when I was pregnant with Nisa was that i was going to be transparent… the good the bad the ugly…. I have continued in that… it hasn’t been easy – I always got the label “tough cookie” since I was a kid… I have lots and lots of emotions, I am a very passionate person, but I hate failing, I have feeling weak…. today I had to reach out – and my friends uplifted me greatly! One thing is for sure people, when you allow yourself to be real that is when God truly shows up…. it reminds me often when God asked Adam and Eve where they were – do you think it was because God didn’t know? I don’t believe that – I think God asked them where they were for them… today God asked me where I was, and I was anxious! And be met me right where I was at… He stilled my heart for the moment – there will be more days coming up when I will be anxious and worried, but I know without a doubt, when I am weak HE is strong. When I am real, HE shows I AM! What an amazing God I serve! I Love You Lord!

Dear Lord, thank you for your ever present grace. Thank you for always holding my every moment. I know my world is in your hands. This is way worse than the first day of school which always made me nervous. The pathway looks so dark and unsure. But this is what I do know. You are here with me. So Daddy I see darkness all around but I am clinging to You. Thank You Lord for the picture I just had – walking on a dark scary path. Lots of scary jungle noises. Holding onto My Heavenly Fathers hand with both of mine as hard as I can. I am crouched as close as I possibly can – just barely able to see around Him because I am trying to hide. But my Daddy – he is upright. He is walking slowly but still He is assured of the path. He knows the way. The holds the lamp out in front of us and though it doesn’t light up enough so that I can see, I know even if that light were to go dim, He is not afraid. He has walked this path many times. He pulls me close to Him, puts His arm around me. I look up at Him and He smiles and says “it’s going to be okay my daughter, I know what comes next and I am with You”. My heart still pounds. I still squint my eyes trying to see better. I still jump at every noise. But I will walk with Him. I won’t let go. And I know if anything jumps out at us He will protect me with all He’s got. Lead on. I’m not letting go.

What a glorious God!

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July 2010

Bringing His Kingdom to Earth.  This link is the newsletter for the ministry that we are serving this month.  What a joy it has been to serve God here.  What an awesome goal this ministry has.  I think that sometimes we have a skewed view of what it means to Bring God’s Kingdom to Earth.  We measure that in so many ways that have moved our focus from God to so many other things.  The kicker is that the things are not bad, they can even be important parts of our Christian walk, but when they become the focus instead of the means of our walk with God then we begin to lose the essence of His Kingdom. 

 Sometimes we feel that we are inadequate to bring God’s Kingdom to Earth.  We dont’ have the skills.  We don’t have the confidence.  We have a past that continues to haunt us.  God’s word is full of the unskillful, the timid, the downright fearful and those with pasts full of evil, whom He has used in OUTRAGEOUS ways to serve His Kingdom.  He may not call you to be his vessel for parting the Red Sea, or defeating 135,00 Midianites with 300 men, or raising the dead and bringing the Gospel to the totally un-evangelized, (and then again maybe he will).  He IS calling you.  Focus on HIM.  Let the “locusts” fade and way and then serve.  Clean a floor, paint a wall, hold a hand, high-five a child, raise the dead, part the sea.  Ministry is in the focus.  The opportunities are out there.  Let God enhance your vision of the world.  When you focus on him ministry opportunities abound.

14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body ; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.  Colossians 3:14-17

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