Nineteen days, who knew that nineteen days would ever come to be so meaningful to me. I am not going to digress to the back story that builds the significance of these days. You can get a sense of the whole journey here. It represents the realization of on incredible Miracle in our lives and the beginnings of another. Day 1 will forever be a joyous day. We will celebrate the birth of Nisa Faith year after year. Day 1 is the culmination of nine months of a melange of concern, faith, fear, trust and surrender. It was a day of arrival, of life, of completion. It was a day of overt blessing. December 16th of 2012 was a joyous day. What Allana and I did not know, what we could not have known was that it was a day of provision, a day of strength given. I would be lying if I said that I sat at this computer with a solid thesis or a planned allegory. The reality is that when I wrote this it was my first opportunity to truly experience and embrace the nineteen days. When they occurred they were simply another nineteen days in the Christmas season and in 2013 we were still too deeply embroiled the Allana’s battle against Leukemia and the recovery from the Bone Marrow Transplant for me to experience them the way that I did as I was writing. Now, five years out we sit at a new crossroads. We have moved from sickness to health and out of the ashes of cancer God is teaching truths of life and ministry that are new every day.
Day 1 was not without its difficulties, ask any mother and she will tell you that this particular joy comes with its own brand of pain. Two dear friends who were expecting when I originally posted these thoughts, engaged in a tongue-in-cheek argument on Facebook concerning any man’s ability to truly conceive of the trials and eventual pains of pregnancy and birth. I do not even pretend (or desire) to really understand, preferring to stand by Allana’s side than in her place for this particular event. Chayla’s birth was a stroll in the park, Nisa’s was more like a kick in the gut and then a short sprint to the finish line (a race in which Nisa beat our doctor and surprised our nurse). Still, there she was, perfect, beautiful, a miracle from the hand of God. We basked in the joy of the now. We knew it was day one, but not that there were only 18 days left to this paragraph of our lives.
The frenzy of the night (Nisa was born at 9:40 pm) and the flush of the first day gives way to a wash of relief. The tensions of the past nine months; the fear at each ultrasound appointment; the waiting for the pronouncement that a new cycle of loss and grief would begin; they all fall away.
We joyfully prepare to bring Nisa home. I am not sure that my words can express Day 2 any better than the twinkle in Allana’s eyes. This Christmas gift is probably the best that we have ever received. The whole family rejoices at the absence of that fateful “talk” with Robert, Sami and Chayla. Each of us in our own way process the losses of the past in the joyous light of Nisa’s arrival. We cannot help think of the siblings in heaven, from the Crashing resonation of Josiah’s passing to the unheralded passing of Ezra Matthew. Day 2 becomes about rest, enjoyment and blessing. The gathering storm is still beyond the horizon. There is no sense of the deadly changes perhaps just beginning to take place. Still what would come does not erase the joy and peace of Day 2. It only serves to highlight it and to make me more thankful for God’s grace than ever.
The frenzied posting, calling and emailing is over. Nisa Faith has been announced to the world. As we approached the day that we celebrate our Saviors birth, we finally get to truly celebrate Nisa’s coming.
D. A. Precious: And those cheeks! I’m so happy for you!
December 19, 2012 at 1:48am · Like
Allana Belrose Guidry: I know. They are getting lots of kisses
December 19, 2012 at 1:54am · Like · 2
Nisa’s cheeks are getting a lot of kisses. Allana is feeling a little more tired than usual….but then she just had a baby and she is not as young as she used to be.
We were prepared for all of the life changes that a newborn brings. Bassinet, Pack n Play, bottles, formula, car seat, diapers etc…. What we did not know was that God had also prepared us for the changes that most likely even on this day six years ago were beginning to take place in the depths of Allana’s bones (weird to type that and not mean it metaphorically). Eleven years of growth through struggle as a family, as individuals and as children of the Living God was about to be tested in a way that we had not imagined even in our wildest nightmares. Still even as we were prepared for Nisa’s arrival, God had prepared us for that which we could not have even begun to be ready for. So many crossroads where God directed what seemed the long and windy path. It seemed so foolish, as foolish as buying diapers and preparing a nursery for a baby that would never come.
Nisa was here, and the long and windy path would soon be clear.
For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:15-16
The frenzy of birth fades in the light of our celebration of our Saviors arrival on the scene. These days are filled with wonderful preparation and quiet enjoyment (with little sleep). We are blessed by the generosity of so many of you who will read this, as we were suddenly and unexpectedly blessed this year. Then as now I don’t know why I am surprised when I pray for provision and it comes in abundance. Presents are wrapped as Nisa is loved and coddled by so many. The preparations made over the previous month are in full use now. Allana is enjoying her Christmas blessing, drinking in Nisa’s presence having desired this particular beverage for so very long.
She wakes on Day 7, a little sore, her throat a bit raspy and maybe just a touch of fever. Not to worry, she did just give birth and the crazy weather is enough to make anyone a bit….
The preparations made over a lifetime by an all knowing God are about to be tested. Quiet joy and praises rise from home and ministry wrapped in one. So much has been put on hold as we waited for Nisa. We are already making plans for the Spring and Summer, mapping out what our lives and ministry will look like. We did not know that in less than two weeks everything would change, but God had been molding us into “change managers” for some time. Early in our journey to full-time ministry when I had left the Hospitality industry God had given me a word that I would only know what I would be doing and how we would be living 30 days at a time. It was frustrating and difficult but it prepared me for the runaway train ride that was coming.
The fevers worsened. We moved through Christmas and towards the New Year. Sore throat spread to body aches and stomach pain. These days so close to the day that everything changed are barely a blur in my memory. I can remember little of what happened outside of the progression of the illness that we didn’t even know was there. Even with the fevers and discomfort there was a blissful ignorance as to the journey that we were being called to embark on. Just to put the whole piece into perspective, Nisa was born at 9:40 pm on December 16th. The 17th is day one and we move on from there. So we are looking at December 25th through January 1st. As I review the various posts on Facebook I see faces of joy and innocence. The fevers are a footnote to the joy of the season made even more joyful by the arrival of our miracle baby. Allana even downplays the intensity of the fevers putting them at 102. By the night of the 31st they are spiking between 104 and 106, or maybe not wanting to worry her too much I fudge the numbers a little, I do not really remember.. A trip to the ER is only forestalled by the fact that the Ibuprofen is knocking them down into safer territory. Still by New Years Day it was enough. We called Allana’s OB office. The doctor on call prescribes a heavy duty antibiotic and some anti nausea medicine to mitigate the side effects. We start it right away, but of course she does not get better. By January 2nd Allana is very sick. The pain in her belly has gotten much worse. We suspect a postpartum infection but don’t understand why the antibiotics do not help. January 3rd is a Thursday. We arrive at the OB office at 10:00 am and are ushered in to the examining room. Our Nurse Practitioner listens patiently to the story, but as the physical exam progresses her demeanor changes. There is an urgency to her motions as she feels the abnormal swelling in Allana’s belly, the tenderness and lumps at her joints. I can feel my apprehension risings, but still there are so many pills, shots, treatments…a quick fix is in order…
“I have called the Flower Hospital, they are expecting her.” What…we need to get some tests… “No we are admitting her.” We have plans can it wait until Monday… “No, I want you there within 2 hours, go home settle the children and pick up what you need. Once you are there they will begin running tests to see what is going on.”
Well if you have to be in a hospital you might as well have a beautiful view and a beautiful woman to share it with.
It was only shortly after this picture was taken that I would hear the word “Leukemia” for the first time, mixed in with a couple of other potential causes for Allana’s test results. If the fevers were the relentless clacking as the rollercoaster climbs the first rise, then this was the ominous pause before the first drop. The ride would not stop for almost a year. However while the emotions and physical aspects rode the speeding rails, God remained rock solid and faithful. The outpouring of love from God’s people was incredible. Even in the midst of the myriad of “spiritual” advisers who decried our lack of faith for continuing treatment or saw this as a sign of trouble in our walk with God; His love overwhelmed us. “Traveling deeper and deeper. Closer closer to God” Allana’s words would ring with truth in a way that neither of us could ever imagine. Deeper and Deeper. Closer, closer to God…there was no where else to go.
I am going to follow this up with more posts around The Nineteen Days. I too often forget to lead with the fact that Allana came through treatment well and has been cancer free for over 5 years now. While we have weathered short forays into ministry together through the past years, we are again engaged together in His service. Grandchildren have come. Children have grown, married, prepared for High School and College. Nisa turned 6 today. We walk the Hupomone road following His guidance and blessing. We are so thankful for all of those who have held us when we were weak and walked with us as we have traveled.
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“My son, thou art not yet strong and prudent in thy love.”
“My son, thou art not yet strong and prudent in thy love.”
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